#28 NBPM - Open Letter to Brit-Brit

Dear Britney,

When you first came onto the scene in your stupid pigtails, knee socks, and school girl uniform I was appalled. It was my freshman year of college in an indie-rock college town, and I was definitely too cool, too smart, too everything to be into you. I remember sitting on the couch with Megan and Katie watching your damn video run after Christina Aguilera's on that request-pay-for-it video station and talking shit about it.

Then you came out with "Sometimes" and I liked it. When no one else was home, I'd hope it came on the video channel so I could hear it. This was my dirty little secret and I kept it that way. Did not tell a single soul. I bashed you and hated and did what cool college kids do to teeny-bop singers.

Years went by with more of the same. Sure, I was a little more open about watching "Making the Video," but it was done ironically. We were just out for a laugh, not actually entertained by you; more like mocking.

I moved in with Tempe, where I tried to subversively watch your HBO concert special. Tempe pretended to understand...but I think deep down she knew my truth. Not long after, I fessed up to my boyfriend that I was somehow deeply disturbed that you and Justin were breaking up. Really. I was sad. I felt so bad for you and then you came out with that suicide-in-the-tub song while he came out with "Cry Me a River" and I REALLY felt for you sister.

But I didn't really come out of the closet until I visited Tempe in D.C. and we repeatedly requested "Toxic" at the dance club. The dj hated us, thought we were nuts, but eventually gave in. Pure bliss.

I even began to open up to my family. For Christmas (or was it my birthday?) my little sister gave me your greatest hits. My mom was stunned. She didn't know how to react. She DID know, however, to email me pronto when she found out that you and K-Fed broke up (I was in Australia, you see, and she wanted to make sure I knew.)

When you did that Chaos show, it really grossed me out. I didn't like the girl anymore, but I set you apart from your music and entertainment which still admittedly amused me and made me feel 14 years old again. Eventually I even wrote about you and my affection for you on the blog.

I truly began to worry when you started hanging out with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and basically you've gone down hill ever since. The shaving of the head thing...I think you should've rocked the GI Jane look rather than gotten those ugly fucking weaves, but you are you, and you have no idea what you are doing to yourself.

Every day Perez and Trent post info on you. I'm no longer shocked by your antics, just surprised you haven't been committed yet. I should be bored, but I'm not. For whatever reason, I can't get enough. I feel bad about this, but I think it comes from a good place. Unlike Paris and Lindsay, I still deep down somewhere I don't quite understand root for you to turn it all around.

Then today I read that you are pregnant AGAIN and that you did some crazy shoplifting and public underwear changing in the Hustler store. WTF? I really hope this is not true. It wouldn't surprise me if it is, but COME ON. Even you can't be as stupid as they make you out to be.

Paris and Lindsay seemed to have turned it around a bit. Maybe you could try to be like them? Better yet, be like Mike. Michael Jackson. Move to Bahrain (or wherever) and just stay the hell out of the spotlight for awhile and get your head screwed on right. Fame isn't worth it kid. You're going to kill yourself and leave those babies with the K-Fed. Think about it.

Love,
Nik