It's Sunday afternoon around 1:45pm. I am still wearing my glasses, the fugliest (and most comfy) sweatshirt of all time, and my favorite pink sweatpants. Masala has still not been taken for a walk despite the afternoon hour, which has never happened in his 2 year life.
You see, my life has gone to shit ever since I started watching True Blood. This weekend was supposed to be productive at both work and home, due to being gone 3 days last weekend in West Palm Beach and being gone 3 days this upcoming week in Raleigh for a work conference. But the True Blood. . .I cannot stop watching.
Now I'm all out of episodes, when I thought there were 14, not 12, and at a loss for what to do. I'm an addict without a fix. If only Lafayette lived around here, I bet he could hook a sister up.
Things I have neglected while "using":
* Masala
* A stack of files almost 2 feet high at work
* Gym
* Dirty kitchen
* Grocery shopping
* Laundry, laundry, laundry
* Sweeping
* Bathing
* Sleeping
* Football
* Friends
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Mirror, Mirror
This week's installment of Happy Yoga presented an interesting "inner yoga" exercise:
Think about someone in your life who pushes all your buttons. What are the qualities in this person that you don't like at all? Make a list.
Look over your list. Do you notice any of these qualities in yourself? If not, put the list away and look at it again in a couple of hours. Happy Yoga: 7 Reasons There's Nothing to Worry About, Steve Ross, p53.
A simple, not-rocket-science revelation, but an important one nonetheless. I'm not sure what others get out of this exercise, but for me, I shared a lot of the same qualities. This made me think: Do we not like others when we see our own bad traits reflected back at us from them? A lot of times, I think the answer is yes, and those times the answer is no, more often than not it's because they aren't doing things the "right" way, the way we think is best.
The book has this to say about relating to others:
If you want to be happy, the best thing you can do is thank, forgive, and consciously love [everyone] for being themselves. By not blaming them, but accepting them exactly as they are, you will begin to see that what was bothering you about them was really. . .you. Don't cling to your negativity; let it go. p52
Once again, I am reminded that there is no one to blame for being unhappy except me. Even when external circumstances don't always act as I would like them to, an angry, frustrated, disappointed, or other negative emotion is just a reaction. External forces, I can't control. My reaction, I can.
Think about someone in your life who pushes all your buttons. What are the qualities in this person that you don't like at all? Make a list.
Look over your list. Do you notice any of these qualities in yourself? If not, put the list away and look at it again in a couple of hours. Happy Yoga: 7 Reasons There's Nothing to Worry About, Steve Ross, p53.
A simple, not-rocket-science revelation, but an important one nonetheless. I'm not sure what others get out of this exercise, but for me, I shared a lot of the same qualities. This made me think: Do we not like others when we see our own bad traits reflected back at us from them? A lot of times, I think the answer is yes, and those times the answer is no, more often than not it's because they aren't doing things the "right" way, the way we think is best.
The book has this to say about relating to others:
If you want to be happy, the best thing you can do is thank, forgive, and consciously love [everyone] for being themselves. By not blaming them, but accepting them exactly as they are, you will begin to see that what was bothering you about them was really. . .you. Don't cling to your negativity; let it go. p52
Once again, I am reminded that there is no one to blame for being unhappy except me. Even when external circumstances don't always act as I would like them to, an angry, frustrated, disappointed, or other negative emotion is just a reaction. External forces, I can't control. My reaction, I can.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
So cute.
This week has been pretty hellish by all accounts. Seems like everyone I've talked to or heard about has had one of the worst weeks ever. (Well, except for Tempe, who hopefully is having a kick-ass birthday week.)
Apart from puppies, these 50 seconds have provided me with perhaps my only genuine, purely blissful smile all week. Ya'll probably won't have the same result, but nonetheless, I had to share.
*And no, I didn't miss the obvious "balls" joke, I'm just rising above. That's right, just like Dr. Bailey. Rising. Above.
Apart from puppies, these 50 seconds have provided me with perhaps my only genuine, purely blissful smile all week. Ya'll probably won't have the same result, but nonetheless, I had to share.
*And no, I didn't miss the obvious "balls" joke, I'm just rising above. That's right, just like Dr. Bailey. Rising. Above.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
The October Experiment
On September 25th, 2009 I checked my bank account to ensure I had sufficient funds to go to Busch Gardens "Howl-o-Scream" with friends on Saturday. Well, technically I did, but realistically, I sooooo did not. It turns out my adventures at the US Open, which returned magnificent emotional dividends, had the somewhat reverse effect on finances. I didn't get paid until September 30th, so let's just say the next five/six days were, um, frugal. And by frugal I mean I ate stale cereal, eggs, and toast for almost every meal because my bank account exhausted itself around the same time as my pantry/refrigerator.
So I get paid. Then I do something really, really stupid. I buy a plane ticket to Florida for Halloween weekend. SHUT. UP. It had to be done, and I don't want to hear another chastising word about it; my mother has done a very good job already.
Which brings me to the subject of our post: What the hell have I done and how the hell am I going to make it through October?
Part of my game plan, a very large part actually, is to not eat out the entire month. No, I won't succeed, but if I make it my goal to never do it, I will fail less than if my goal is to "not eat out very often." Trust me. I've tried the latter.
This means I have to do the task I've dreaded for.ev.er. Make a meal plan. Aaaaaahhhhh. Even saying the thought makes me cringe. You see, once in college I had this roommate who posted the days of the week with their corresponding meals on the refrigerator. All three roommates chipped in for shared groceries to reduce expenses. No big deal. Except one time the other roommate and I made a meal that didn't correspond with the list and Meal-planning roommate went apeshit on us because we used the cheese that was earmarked for the enchiladas or whatever on Thursday. AS IF WE COULDN'T BUY MORE F-ING CHEESE. I digress.
The goal: Take lunch to work, make nutritious, cheap meals for dinner - use leftovers for lunch/dinner later on (read: No microwave shit)
Plan of attack: Meal plan, grocery list, banning microwave meals from fridge (insert sad face for lazy Niki)
Progress (unless otherwise noted, Clif bars for breakfast):
Oct 1 - Ate lunch at home. I think it consisted of two pieces of toast and Marmite or a microwave Amy's Organic Black Bean Burrito (had not been to store yet). Dinner - cereal, 4 margaritas (only 99cents each), chips & salsa (free w/margaritas)
Oct 2 - Convinced boss to buy lunch at local deli! Ate hodge-podge of yummy junk food at movie night. Still did not go to store.
Oct 3 - Hungover from movie night and/or beginning swine flu symptoms. Ate leftover brown rice for breakfast, Clif bar for lunch on the way to friend's parents' house at the beach, free pizza & beer for dinner. Um...accidentally had $29 bar tab. Whoops. Not entirely my fault, peeps put drinks on my tab, too drunk to sort out.
Oct 4 - Cheez-Its and burned cookies leftover from midnight snack for breakfast. Free pizza for lunch. Leftover pizza for dinner. Still have not gone to store as on vacation, returned too tired to care. Obviously. Attempt meal planning, brain could not cope with the pressure.
Oct 5 - Had to buy lunch as was at out-of-town court, no groceries to make to-go lunch. Leftover free pizza for dinner. (In case you're counting, that's approximately 4/7 meals, not counting the pizza consumed as part of movie night on Friday. When I informed R of this statistic + intent to eat only cereal for entire month, his response: Are you in college?) DID make it to store w/half-ass grocery list and ingredients purchased for real, adult meal the next day!!
Oct 6 - Toast with avocado for lunch, popcorn w/nutritional yeast & pita w/cheese for dinner. Yeah, I didn't quite make The Grit "Golden Bowl" as I had intended, but turns out nutritional yeast is excellent on popcorn (thanks organic store clerks!). Tomorrow, I swear. Tomorrow I'm going to do it. I will make nutritious dinner!
Yep, well. Off to a good start, aren't I?
So I get paid. Then I do something really, really stupid. I buy a plane ticket to Florida for Halloween weekend. SHUT. UP. It had to be done, and I don't want to hear another chastising word about it; my mother has done a very good job already.
Which brings me to the subject of our post: What the hell have I done and how the hell am I going to make it through October?
Part of my game plan, a very large part actually, is to not eat out the entire month. No, I won't succeed, but if I make it my goal to never do it, I will fail less than if my goal is to "not eat out very often." Trust me. I've tried the latter.
This means I have to do the task I've dreaded for.ev.er. Make a meal plan. Aaaaaahhhhh. Even saying the thought makes me cringe. You see, once in college I had this roommate who posted the days of the week with their corresponding meals on the refrigerator. All three roommates chipped in for shared groceries to reduce expenses. No big deal. Except one time the other roommate and I made a meal that didn't correspond with the list and Meal-planning roommate went apeshit on us because we used the cheese that was earmarked for the enchiladas or whatever on Thursday. AS IF WE COULDN'T BUY MORE F-ING CHEESE. I digress.
The goal: Take lunch to work, make nutritious, cheap meals for dinner - use leftovers for lunch/dinner later on (read: No microwave shit)
Plan of attack: Meal plan, grocery list, banning microwave meals from fridge (insert sad face for lazy Niki)
Progress (unless otherwise noted, Clif bars for breakfast):
Oct 1 - Ate lunch at home. I think it consisted of two pieces of toast and Marmite or a microwave Amy's Organic Black Bean Burrito (had not been to store yet). Dinner - cereal, 4 margaritas (only 99cents each), chips & salsa (free w/margaritas)
Oct 2 - Convinced boss to buy lunch at local deli! Ate hodge-podge of yummy junk food at movie night. Still did not go to store.
Oct 3 - Hungover from movie night and/or beginning swine flu symptoms. Ate leftover brown rice for breakfast, Clif bar for lunch on the way to friend's parents' house at the beach, free pizza & beer for dinner. Um...accidentally had $29 bar tab. Whoops. Not entirely my fault, peeps put drinks on my tab, too drunk to sort out.
Oct 4 - Cheez-Its and burned cookies leftover from midnight snack for breakfast. Free pizza for lunch. Leftover pizza for dinner. Still have not gone to store as on vacation, returned too tired to care. Obviously. Attempt meal planning, brain could not cope with the pressure.
Oct 5 - Had to buy lunch as was at out-of-town court, no groceries to make to-go lunch. Leftover free pizza for dinner. (In case you're counting, that's approximately 4/7 meals, not counting the pizza consumed as part of movie night on Friday. When I informed R of this statistic + intent to eat only cereal for entire month, his response: Are you in college?) DID make it to store w/half-ass grocery list and ingredients purchased for real, adult meal the next day!!
Oct 6 - Toast with avocado for lunch, popcorn w/nutritional yeast & pita w/cheese for dinner. Yeah, I didn't quite make The Grit "Golden Bowl" as I had intended, but turns out nutritional yeast is excellent on popcorn (thanks organic store clerks!). Tomorrow, I swear. Tomorrow I'm going to do it. I will make nutritious dinner!
Yep, well. Off to a good start, aren't I?
Saturday, October 03, 2009
I heart hoodies.
Yeah, I'm up late again. Watched Evil Dead and Evil Dead II at movie night, drank sangria, and ate brownies. Zombies + caffeine = will never sleep.
In effort to chase the mental images of the movies away, I'm posting this Nike interview. I've always had a thing for hoodies, and this just might be a teeny slice of my heaven.
In effort to chase the mental images of the movies away, I'm posting this Nike interview. I've always had a thing for hoodies, and this just might be a teeny slice of my heaven.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Chris Rock Is Better Than Me
Chris Rock talks Polanski and Vick and is way funnier than I am. Check out a short clip here, and longer version here (can't embed).
I love me some Chris Rock. The Best.
I love me some Chris Rock. The Best.
Giving This a Shot
I really want to talk about this, but I really don't think this is the time. It's late. I've had a few margaritas. But I have had this post on the backburner of ideas for days now, and I need to give it a go.
Roman Polanski v. Michael Vick
I refuse to watch any Roman Polanski movies. I know he's a great director, yada yada yada, but when The Pianist came out a few years ago with its rave reviews, I refused to watch. Roman Polanski drugged and raped a 13 year old girl. Ok, it was the 70s. Ok it was champagne and quaaludes, par for the 70s Hollywood course. Ok his wife was murdered by Charles Manson. But dude. He was I'm-not-sure-how-old-but-old-enough-to-know-better.
Then he ran.
Yeah, I get that the victim wants charges dropped and it's been a long time and now he's old and he's artistic and all that. In my mind, though, that's not enough. He never took his medicine. He didn't face his punishment and take it like a man. He ran. And until he sucks it up and goes in front of the judge, I refuse to give him any of my money or time by watching his movies.
When I watched Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired, a documentary about the clusterfuck of a situation it was, it did sort of alter my opinion. It really does seem like the judge completely dicked over the prosecutor and the defense attorney and Mr. Polanski. There was an agreement, and it seems the judge did everything in his power to do his own thing, to make a political showcase out of Mr. Polanski and force him to do more jailtime. I mean, I think I remember correctly - Polanski did, in fact, serve some time for this. In fact, I think the judge forced him to do more time than agreed by forbidding the jail to release him, or some such thing, and then was going to give him more time at sentencing before Polanski bolted.
So ok, the judge was an ass. Big fucking deal. I see that shit every damn day. Suck it up Polanski. Just because you're a bigshot Hollywood type (and your wife was killed) doesn't mean you get to peace out without respecting the process. Because that's the thing - there is a process, and you can use the process if you do get fucked to make the situation right. That's why I do what I do. Then again, if you were my client, probably would've turned a blind eye if you mentioned running, too.
Nevertheless, come to court, face the music, maybe then you'll get the outcome you're looking for.
Then there's Michael Vick. His crime, equally heinous. Yeah, it was "just dogs." But he tortured and brutually murdered the hell out of those dogs, displaying an equally, if not more, diabolical mind than Polanski.
Now everyone is up in arms because he's playing pro football again.
Me. . .not so much. I love dogs more than most people. I think what he did was abominable. Yet he cannot be punished forever. Yeah, maybe his punishment should've been worse, but that's not for me to say. It is what it is, and he's doing what they told him to do.
He's also been to therapy, counseling, and classes on humane treatment of animals. He has agreed, as part of his contract, to work with animal shelters in Philadelphia. I mean, the man needs to make a living. His trade is football. It's not his fault he makes an obscene, absurd amount of money doing it. It is what it is.
Why can't he turn this negative into a positive? Why must he be vilified forever? What better way to teach children in poverty, children who will listen to and relate to Vick, than for Vick to tell him how he changed? He could indirectly affect the lives of lots and lots of other animals by becoming an ambassador for how they can be treated.
Whether he will do this or not remains to be seen, but until then, I give him the benefit of the doubt. Polanski, not so much.
Roman Polanski v. Michael Vick
I refuse to watch any Roman Polanski movies. I know he's a great director, yada yada yada, but when The Pianist came out a few years ago with its rave reviews, I refused to watch. Roman Polanski drugged and raped a 13 year old girl. Ok, it was the 70s. Ok it was champagne and quaaludes, par for the 70s Hollywood course. Ok his wife was murdered by Charles Manson. But dude. He was I'm-not-sure-how-old-but-old-enough-to-know-better.
Then he ran.
Yeah, I get that the victim wants charges dropped and it's been a long time and now he's old and he's artistic and all that. In my mind, though, that's not enough. He never took his medicine. He didn't face his punishment and take it like a man. He ran. And until he sucks it up and goes in front of the judge, I refuse to give him any of my money or time by watching his movies.
When I watched Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired, a documentary about the clusterfuck of a situation it was, it did sort of alter my opinion. It really does seem like the judge completely dicked over the prosecutor and the defense attorney and Mr. Polanski. There was an agreement, and it seems the judge did everything in his power to do his own thing, to make a political showcase out of Mr. Polanski and force him to do more jailtime. I mean, I think I remember correctly - Polanski did, in fact, serve some time for this. In fact, I think the judge forced him to do more time than agreed by forbidding the jail to release him, or some such thing, and then was going to give him more time at sentencing before Polanski bolted.
So ok, the judge was an ass. Big fucking deal. I see that shit every damn day. Suck it up Polanski. Just because you're a bigshot Hollywood type (and your wife was killed) doesn't mean you get to peace out without respecting the process. Because that's the thing - there is a process, and you can use the process if you do get fucked to make the situation right. That's why I do what I do. Then again, if you were my client, probably would've turned a blind eye if you mentioned running, too.
Nevertheless, come to court, face the music, maybe then you'll get the outcome you're looking for.
Then there's Michael Vick. His crime, equally heinous. Yeah, it was "just dogs." But he tortured and brutually murdered the hell out of those dogs, displaying an equally, if not more, diabolical mind than Polanski.
Now everyone is up in arms because he's playing pro football again.
Me. . .not so much. I love dogs more than most people. I think what he did was abominable. Yet he cannot be punished forever. Yeah, maybe his punishment should've been worse, but that's not for me to say. It is what it is, and he's doing what they told him to do.
He's also been to therapy, counseling, and classes on humane treatment of animals. He has agreed, as part of his contract, to work with animal shelters in Philadelphia. I mean, the man needs to make a living. His trade is football. It's not his fault he makes an obscene, absurd amount of money doing it. It is what it is.
Why can't he turn this negative into a positive? Why must he be vilified forever? What better way to teach children in poverty, children who will listen to and relate to Vick, than for Vick to tell him how he changed? He could indirectly affect the lives of lots and lots of other animals by becoming an ambassador for how they can be treated.
Whether he will do this or not remains to be seen, but until then, I give him the benefit of the doubt. Polanski, not so much.
On Love
This Happy Yoga book I've been reading is kind of blowing my mind. It has really helped me realize that if you're unhappy, sometimes you need to actively try to be happy, like actually put forth some effort. At first that seems counterintuitive, but after putting forth effort, eventually it becomes second nature. (And yes, I've had quite a few 99 cent margaritas as I type this.)
Anyway. This week I started the chapter on love. An excerpt that I just fucking love:
There is an analogy that follows about chocolate and how eating eight buckets of chocolate doesn't give us eight times the satisfaction because "satisfaction comes from you." The point of the parts I've read so far is that you cannot get fulfillment from relationships; you can only be fulfilled from yourself. Only by letting go of wanting X from your partner or friend or family member can you truly love them; you must accept them as they are.
One way the book suggests to practice this: pick a random person - on the street, in a car, at the store - and see them, accept them, approve of them. Be love.
So I thought, ok, I'll give this a shot. Guess what? NOT FUCKING EASY. I thought it wouldn't be that hard, but holy hell, it's totally hard. First person I picked on Monday was a lady in the courthouse, a couple hundred pounds overweight, ratty hair, coke-bottle glasses. I focused on her, tried to accept her and appreciate her just has she was.
Then I walked by her and got a couple whiffs of awful cigarette smoke. I was done. Over. Disgusted. Literally said, "Eeeew! Gross!" to myself.
Then I tried the A.D.A. that day in court. He was being an ass. Impossible. Could. Not. Do. It.
Of course, Monday I also wanted to hit someone so bad that I ran myself to death on the treadmill after work so that I wouldn't get in a fight, so perhaps that wasn't the *best* day to try this new, positive, loving me.
So last night I decided I would try again today, except I had a new conceptualization of the project. I realized my definitions of love did not encompass what I was supposed to feel. I didn't love these people like a family member, friend, or significant other, because I didn't know them that way. The point was to love them and appreciate them as members of the Earth, part of the world; we are all in it together.
Like squirrels.
People are squirrels.
I don't know squirrels, and those shits can cause me a lot of grief when Masala tries to jerk me around to chase them. Yet everytime I see them, I smile. They make me happy. I fucking love squirrels and appreciate them as part of the animal kingdom.
So today in court, I tried that shit. Pretended people were different breeds of squirrels. And you know what? Didn't totally worked, but got much farther than last time.
Squirrels, ya'll. Squirrels are the key.
Anyway. This week I started the chapter on love. An excerpt that I just fucking love:
The love you experience at any time with any person is not coming from them; it's coming from inside of you. It's your experience of your true self. In other words, the other person is a stimulus that allows your own love to be uncovered. - Steve Ross, Happy Yoga: 7 Reasons There's Nothing to Worry About
There is an analogy that follows about chocolate and how eating eight buckets of chocolate doesn't give us eight times the satisfaction because "satisfaction comes from you." The point of the parts I've read so far is that you cannot get fulfillment from relationships; you can only be fulfilled from yourself. Only by letting go of wanting X from your partner or friend or family member can you truly love them; you must accept them as they are.
One way the book suggests to practice this: pick a random person - on the street, in a car, at the store - and see them, accept them, approve of them. Be love.
So I thought, ok, I'll give this a shot. Guess what? NOT FUCKING EASY. I thought it wouldn't be that hard, but holy hell, it's totally hard. First person I picked on Monday was a lady in the courthouse, a couple hundred pounds overweight, ratty hair, coke-bottle glasses. I focused on her, tried to accept her and appreciate her just has she was.
Then I walked by her and got a couple whiffs of awful cigarette smoke. I was done. Over. Disgusted. Literally said, "Eeeew! Gross!" to myself.
Then I tried the A.D.A. that day in court. He was being an ass. Impossible. Could. Not. Do. It.
Of course, Monday I also wanted to hit someone so bad that I ran myself to death on the treadmill after work so that I wouldn't get in a fight, so perhaps that wasn't the *best* day to try this new, positive, loving me.
So last night I decided I would try again today, except I had a new conceptualization of the project. I realized my definitions of love did not encompass what I was supposed to feel. I didn't love these people like a family member, friend, or significant other, because I didn't know them that way. The point was to love them and appreciate them as members of the Earth, part of the world; we are all in it together.
Like squirrels.
People are squirrels.
I don't know squirrels, and those shits can cause me a lot of grief when Masala tries to jerk me around to chase them. Yet everytime I see them, I smile. They make me happy. I fucking love squirrels and appreciate them as part of the animal kingdom.
So today in court, I tried that shit. Pretended people were different breeds of squirrels. And you know what? Didn't totally worked, but got much farther than last time.
Squirrels, ya'll. Squirrels are the key.
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