*Please accept my apologies for this less than coherent post. I needed to get on a soapbox and oftentimes that means worthless blabber. Feel free to pretend I never posted at all.*
It turns out that I'm not so good at this being an adult thing. Just when I feel like I've got one aspect of my life in order, another element goes completely haywire. In order to be completely on top of things at work, most of the rest of my life goes down the drain: working out, spending time with my dog, paying bills, socializing, eating right, laundry, the dishes, vacuuming, I could go on and on and on.
Basically, that's sort of how I operate. I'm a fairly complex thinker, but multi-tasking on a grand scale - I just can't do it. One-track mind all the way. What's worse, I throw all my energy into doing whatever one task so that when I'm done with that, I need a breather, some time to relax and refuel before I move on to the next thing.
All of this basically means that I have perfected the art of procrastination. I have been known to call myself the Queen of Procrastination because I know the exact last moment to start something and yet still have time to get it done well.
In adult life, this is still possible, but a helluva lot harder. It seems like I no sooner feel like I've got my shit together than it all falls apart again. In the last few weeks I especially feel like I'm losing my grip altogether - like if it was possible to just quit being an adult, I think I would do it. Nothing seems to be going right, no matter how much energy I put into it.
I would blame work or school (law school - I was the worst adult of all time because all I thought about was law school, law school, Feb Club, law school), but that's bullshit because I don't have kids or anything. Plenty of people have more stressful jobs than me plus children plus pets, and they seem to be doing alright.
So what's the secret? I think maybe I just wasn't born with the "shit-together-calmly" gene - I need pressure to perform - in college I tried a couple of times to start papers early, but lo and behold massive writer's block set in. The night before, I was a f-ing genius.
And so it is with taxes. I mailed my taxes today. Go ahead, judge me. Call me one of "those people." My one and only friend in town already did. I'm not sure why it stung so much, but I have to say, I'm a little bitter about the "holier-than-thou-ness" of getting your taxes done early. I mean, so what? So what you did it in February? Guess what, I did it today, and I'm still not in trouble. While you were stressing in February, I was probably doing something else and while I was doing taxes last night, you were probably doing something else.
I'm not sure what my friend meant when he said there were certain "types" of people that wait until the last day to file their taxes, but I think it was deragotory. Guess what, friend - three out of the five attorneys in my office waited until today, so there. It's not like I'm in bad company.
In a way, I think maybe procrastination is nature's way of keeping my perfectionistic nature in check. Like I said, when I'm into something, all my energy is there, and I don't stop until it's done correctly. So if I started my taxes in February, guess what, it still would've taken me two and half months to file - because I'm just that neurotic. I would've checked, double-checked, researched, and 99 times out of 100, it probably still would've been the same.
By waiting until the last minute to do things, I just insure the most efficient use of my energy, right? Right? RIGHT? Please just allow me this rationalization to justify the fact that frankly, I just don't want to grow up.
5 comments:
well if 3 out of 5 lawyers are doing it. .
just kidding. both of my bosses just filed their taxes this week, as did my parents. usually, we are much later, but got it done early this year out of fear of the unknown. I don't think it's bad. it's not like you were late or had to file for an extention because you procrastinated too long - you stepped up and got it done when it was needed. I say bravo!
Your procrastination is what makes you YOU, my dear. I remember how you used to wait until the last minute to write a paper in college, and then bust out with an A. So impressive. Seriously.
And one could argue that you're not procrastinating; it just takes you less time than others to get work done! :)
I miss you so much!
There is nothing wrong with procrastination. And I'm like you--when it comes to something important, I tend to work much better (and much more efficiently) under pressure. And somehow, I still manage to get it all done on time.
And I think this idea that some of us have found a perfect balance of work, home, dog, kids, etc. is a myth. I think most of us feel like we can't begin to juggle all of our responsibilities and always feel behind. I know I do. I feel overwhelmed sometimes, but I'm trying to just accept that I'll never get it all done. I think that's just life.
I think you are what you are. I'm late. I'm always going to be late. I try. And if I really exert myself or if I'm meeting someone to whom it really matters, I can get there on time. But on average...I'm going to be late.
I figure there are just some things you stop fighting and accept.
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