Fetch!

I'm phoning it in today, because election results coming in soon and tomorrow I'm going out of town.  Excerpts from The Dangerous Book for Dogs, by Rex and Sparky.

The Rules of Fetch
Players: Fetch is a contest of two players, one human, one dog

Boundaries: Humans must throw the stick to an area where it can be retrieved.  Any place that a dog cannot physically reach, such as on top of a van, is out of bounds.

Scoring: Humans are awarded points based on throw, and dogs are awarded points based on retrieval.  Humans - 5 pts per 1yd of distance, 42 pts if stick is thrown w/in 30 seconds of being retrieved and dropped.  Dogs - 37 pts if stick returned w/in 10 minutes, 154 pts + 12 liver treats for catching in midair

Penalties: Humans - 78 pts for throwing stick w/in vicinity of another dog who intercepts it, 340 pts for throwing in hard-to-find location, 663 pts for not throwing stick immediately when dog is ready to go again.  Dogs - 2 pts for becoming distracted longer than 30 minutes, 15 pts for dropping stick twelve or more feet from human's location, 212 pts for returning with wrong stick unless this stick is returned in less than 5 minutes, in which case, no penalty applies.

Duration: The game goes on until a player earns 17,572 pts at which time that player wins.  If a player gets tired and gives up, that player forfeits the game.  If dinnertime arrives, game is suspended, to be resumed at a later, more appropriate time.