The Salmonella: Day 6 and counting

It's like this: for the most part my symptoms of The Salmonella are vastly improved. As long as I don't eat, I'm fine, I can function like a mostly normal human being. Therein, of course, lies the rub. I am me. I love food. I can't not eat. Not eating makes me grumpy, depressed, dizzy, and downright lazy. Of course, if I eat, all-out war is waged in my digestive track and I'm back to square one - laying on the couch in pain.

Actually, according to the internet, The Salmonella approves of bread products. After 6 days of eating nothing but carbs, I'm over it. Seriously. Unfortunately, every time I try to eat anything not in the realm of bread products, my tummy marches back to battle. I am stuck in a catch-22 - well enough to be hungry for real food but not well enough to eat it. Suh-UCKS.

On this Saturday, after being basically bedridden all day due to pushing my luck with Mexican food last night, I vow to stick to the damn bread-only diet as much as possible until this nasty bacteria is purged from my system once and for all. To wit: thus far today I have eaten 1 piece of wheat toast, some melba toast crackers, and grits - or nothing with any flavor whatsoever.

Tonight in a fit of boredom I struck out of the house in search of new provisions. First stop, CVS to curb an irrational craving for Red Fish, the CVS generic Swedish Fish - while not officially prescribed for The Salmonella, I felt these would be okay (foods that are not okay tend to make me feel queasy upon the thought of putting them in my mouth; this was true of the Mexican but I was in denial about it). I left CVS with the following:

* 1 bag Red Fish (I prefer them to Swedish Fish)
* 1 box Barnum's Animal Crackers (completely consumed before reaching second destination, grocery store)
* 1 bag Stacy's Pita Chips
* 1 roll of Starburst (total impulse buy at the register, most likely not approved for The Salmonella)

Next, I made my way to the grocery store to pick up tater tots, aka dinner. My shopping bag ended up containing the following:

* 1 bag Tater Tots
* 1 bottle Apple Juice
* 2 bags of Barnum's Animal Crackers (to replace the small box I'd already inhaled)
* 1 bag Pretzel Crisps
* 1 carton Butternut Squash Soup
* 1 box Kashi Waffles

If this batch of food goes anything like the last batch, I'll never want to eat any of these items ever again for the rest of my life after this ordeal is over. Blah. Humbug.