un/e(?) parapluie

i finally broke down and admitted that i don't have an umbrella. you see, i know i used to own an umbrella, maybe even 2 or 3 of them. try as i might to keep up with them, those little fuckers somehow managed to scurry away from me - i stand by the fact that the last place i had one was in my car or at my locker (yes, we have lockers at law school), so i'm confident that the umbrella somehow hatched an escape plan and baled out on me.

i have held off on buying an umbrella hoping that one day i will check the closet, underneath my seat, or in my locker and the one(s) i used to have will magically reappear. this has not happened over the course of several months, and so today, as i was stuck waiting for the rain to abate so i could walk to my car, i took a deep breath and said goodbye to the old ones.

i've been telling myself that the day i broke down and bought an umbrella would be a happy one - i'd get a really pretty or groovy one that would cause all other umbrella owners to be envious. in my desperation, i could not wait for such an umbrella to appear, nor could i afford the time to hunt it down. instead of a hot pink dome with silver lining or something psychedelic, i now join the ranks of the majority of umbrella owners and own a "totes" in damn navy blue. predictably all the red ones were gone and it was down to navy, black, and tan. wow. i'm really gonna dazzle 'em with this one.

but i digress. my main objective here is to let you all know that apparently umbrellas are gender specific - even in such obviously girlie colors as navy, black, and tan. i bought the "ladies" variety, thank goodness, but there were no "mens" varieties available. i thought it might be the giant ones with the pointy tip, but those were also labeled "ladies." is there such thing as a masculine umbrella? because if not, the label "ladies" is really a bit redundant. and if the umbrella is gender neutral, as i had long suspected then the label is just stupid.

i had guy friends in college who insisted that no straight man would be caught dead carrying an umbrella to class. this came as a shock to me, but perhaps the label is the reason why - the guys are afraid to buy anything described as "ladies."

i don't really understand - why is it unmasculine to stay dry? we all know raincoats are about as effective putting a paper bag over your head in some circumstances, and what about your backpack? your books, notebooks, and other paraphenalia are gonna get wet w/o an umbrella. same goes for anything else you've got in your hands. perhaps it is girlie to get the automatic open/close brella, but what about the basic manual? you can flex your biceps as you open it for the pretty girl who forgot/lost hers and maybe sparks will fly. if you'd been there for me today, maybe i could've saved $12 and held on to my dreams of finding my old umbrella friends.

if only i could've gotten one of these guys. :( maybe next time.