I want my MTV.

I considered doing a post about why I wish I were a boy (is it were or was people? I have never figured it out), but instead I've opted for a more light-hearted, less whiny topic. Here are four words to give you a hint about why it's better to be a boy: My feet hurt, period. Now, I'll leave that topic for another day.

First things first - Veronica Mars got renewed! Hurray! Now you've all got to watch the dvds and catch up.

Second, I'd like to discuss my new favorite MTV show. Yes, I'm 26 years old and I still freaking watch MTV. Sue me. I blame my parents. When I was growing up we didn't have cable - partially because we lived out in bumfuck where cable didn't come for awhile and partially because they were too cheap to get cable when it did come out or to get a satellite. They basically got cable the same year I moved out into my own place and could purchase it myself. For this reason, I was always enamored with MTV when I went to my friends' house. Hell, even my grandmother had cable - when we'd visit I'd sneak to the back room, praying the Real World would be on and that my cousins hadn't already snatched the tv.

So you see, it's their fault that even now, almost 30, the first channel I check when I'm ready for some tv brain candy is damn MTV. Made, True Life, Real World, RR/RW Challenge, Tiara Girls, My Super Sweet 16, 8th and Ocean and even the train wreck that was Laguna Beach. This is why I am conversant in teenspeak and my 17-yr-old sister and I can have a normal conversation. Oh, and Gilmore Girls and Harry Potter.

On Saturday night, after finishing marking up my final edits (but not yet entering them into the computer - no, that took 7 fucking hours of my Sunday, but I digress), so yeah, after marking my final edits on my paper I needed a little brain relaxation. Thankfully, there was a mini-marathon of Tiara Girls and I had not seen any of them before! (Re: Tiara Girls - I think this show is highly amusing and also very, very sad. Sad because not only did MTV get the wannabe-loser pageant contestants instead of the real deal, but also because of the parents. The parents on this show are sickening and should be shot. So far, every single parent has been overweight, yet criticizes their normal daughter for being heavy. One bitch of a mother forced her sixteen-year-old daughter to get fucking lip injections. I almost cried it was so upsetting and so clearly living vicariously. Bitch.)

Ok, back on topic. After more episodes than I'd like to admit of Tiara Girls (only 3), a show called Parental Control was coming on. I was about to flip, but the intro sort of hooked me so I kept on watching for a bit. Two hours later my left hand was forcing the remote from my right hand and the angel was telling the devil on my shoulder that I had to go to bed.

The premise of the show is this: Parents hate daughter's boyfriend. Parents interview guys to take their daughter on a date. Mother picks a boy and father picks a boy. Girl goes on date while Mom, Dad, and current BF sit together in one room and watch the dates. Yes - it does get as uncomfortable as you might think with disturbing sexual innuendo and insults flying back and forth, etc. (one boy called the mother a whore!). At then end of the show, after going on both dates, girl picks one of the boys - either she keeps the BF or dumps him for one of the new guys.

I know what you're thinking - she's always going to pick her BF, this show is stupid. But that's the kicker, that's what makes the show good - sometimes she doesn't pick the BF! In fact, picking the BF is the exception rather than the rule - 4/5 episodes I have seen have the girl dumping BF for new guy; granted usually the relationship is only 3-4 months along, but once a girl dumped her boyfriend of a year! for a really cute new guy that was totally better anyway. (one of the eps was a gay episode, so technically the guy picked a new bf, not a girl, but it doesn't matter).

I have no idea why I like this show. Perhaps because I have yet to lose - in every episode the girl/gay guy has picked the boy I told her to pick. Yes, probably the editors let me know this by selecting appropriate footage, but do no ruin my mojo by pointing that out.

I guess, though, I sort of have a long relationship with dating shows. I remember digging the Love Connection with Chuck Willory (2 and 2, we'll be back atcha) when I was 10 and being very stealthy around about 12 or 13 to watch Studs - most of the dirty stuff probably went way over my head, but I knew enough to know it was dirty and to laugh and to turn the volume down so my parents wouldn't know I was watching. I probably would've liked that dating game on MTV - with Jenny McCarthy and later Carmen Electra - if my parents would've gotten cable sooner.

Oddly enough, though, I hate the modern dating shows - The Bachelor makes me want to vomit on my shoes as does Date my Mom (also an MTV show) and those shows about the ugly guy and the pretty girls - Joe Ugly or something - that come on NBC. However, I did get into Joe Millionaire. hmm. To my credit, I did avoid Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire.

I don't know where this is going, is anyone even still with me? probably not. Bottom line - Parental Control is not a terrible way to kill half an hour. The people are usually pretty likable instead of your run-of-the-mill skanky MTV types. And it's fun to see who the parents pick and to watch the boyfriend squirm as another guy touches his girlfriend's back - either to help her shoot a bow an arrow or to lather suntan oil on her back.

Also, Real Housewives of Orange County - so deliciously terrible. One mother was goading her 18-yr-old daughter to slam a tequila shot, "Do it Briana. DO IT!" Not kidding. Mom says they were in Mexico and she "let" her daughter do a shot, the drinking age is 18 there is her defense, plus it was just the "one." (cut to numerous pictures of her daughter on the beach with Coronas. hee.)