Last. Paper. Ever.: A Timeline.

The past two weeks have been miserably cold and sometimes rainy. Today it will be a gorgeous 78 degrees in Charlottesville. Instead of lying by the pool working on my tan for Tempe's wedding next weekend, I will spend the entire day holed up in the library composing a 10-page paper on lethal injection. Unless I fail or have a mid-life crisis sending me back to higher education, this should be my last academic research paper in my entire life - SWEET.

Except not. I'm miserable. I'm tired. I'm hungry (Note to self: do not go on diet during exam season). And I unequivocally do not want to write this paper.

To document this momentous occasion, to help me get through the day, and to get back in the habit of posting on my blog, I am going to update my "progress" periodically today. I will try to be witty and educational rather than whiny and bitchy, but I must warn you, outlook not so good.

11:08 AM: I have written 6 sentences. I have been in the library almost 1 hour. To be fair, the first half hour was spent reading the news. I have consumed roughly 1/3 of a Dr. Pepper (caffeine necessary to boost mood and energy). (another 15 mins spent trying to get the Coke machine to take my dollar, then switching to the Pepsi machine which also refused my dollar, then walking farther away to another Pepsi machine - why is there only one Coke machine and 47 Pepsi machines in the law school? Hate. Pepsi. Can tolerate Dr. Pepper luckily.)

So far my title is "Title Goes Here." Catchy, no? Waiting anxiously for Trent to wake up and update Pink is the New Blog. Why did he have to move to the west coast? Oh wait, I should be reading about botched executions instead...going to get right on that.

12:53 PM: I now have 1 page single spaced, but it doesn't really count because one of my footnotes is really long. I ate a few pieces of nasty caramel-y toffee candy from the LexisNexis lab and now I feel sick. Not the best idea. Why do the legal research companies wait until finals to put out all the crap-tastic candy? So unfair. We want M&Ms and Starbursts and chocolate fondue fountains (yes, this happened) year round!

In less happy news, about a year ago an imate in Ohio took almost 90 mins to die by lethal injection. After the first dose of drugs he raised his head and repeatedly said, "It don't work. It don't work." Technicians closed the curtains but he could still be heard moaning, groaning, and emitting "guttural noises." Unsurprisingly his victim's family thought he went out too easy. Maybe so, but still. . .Ew and creepy.

4:12 PM Almost had a nervous breakdown in the Barracks Road Shopping Center parking lot. Cars, grocery carts, toddlers coming at me from seven different directions with blood sugar very low. Successfully parked and entered Harris Teeter without hitting anything and proceeded to empty half the contents of their salad bar into my plastic container. Having eaten those contents, feel much better.

Pages? 1.5 single spaced (that's like at least 3 double-spaced, yeah?). I am behind schedule, but hope to get a post-lunch power boost to catch up. Also, not much writing done due to researching, so it's not like I've been totally goofing off (ok, so I IMd for like 20 mins, big deal. Shut up.).

Bleh. Craving peanut butter covered chocolate malt balls from Whole Foods. Damn it - why didn't I get any candy at Harris Teeter? Stupid fruit and pretzels not going to cut it.

6:36 PM Did I mention that this sucks monkey balls? It does. Swimming in a sea of law review articles, books, and court cases. All for one stupid credit. Conspiracy.

8:28 PM Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I have an itch on my left shoulder that I can't reach. I have 8 pages double-spaced, but I'm only about half way through my outline. Fuck again.

Uh-oh. My tablemate is listening to music extremely loudly on his earbuds. I'm about to have to beat some ass or send him to another table.

9:59 PM I've got around 11 pages double-spaced, with only the conclusion left to write. I traditionally leave my conclusion until the next day in order to provide clarity of thought, and I see no reason why today should be any different.

It's almost exactly 12 hours since I arrived at the library, so I'm getting the fuck out of here. Will go home and try to prevent massive binging on pantry as celebration of sort of accomplishing today's goal. Hurrah - so close!