Saturday - 3 hours in line at the vet to deal with snotty nose and cough of newly adopted pound puppy, Masala (see posts below). (Responsible parenting)
Sunday - in the middle of bathing Masala in flea shampoo (for dogs and puppies), read teeny writing on the back that says "Not for use on dogs under 6 months of age." Masala is 10-11 weeks. Whoops. Immediately rinse and re-wash in Dawn dishsoap (what the pound had told use to use for fleas).
Internally freaking out that I have killed my puppy. Monitor puppy and notice that he's sleeping a lot. Keep waking him up so he won't die. (Note: As Rich aptly pointed out, we'd taken Masala on a "death march" - mile long walk - that morning and he was likely exhausted.)
3 hours later - call the number on the back of the pet shampoo and ask what will happen if use on dog of younger age. Am consoled to find out that only a skin rash might develop. Did not poison dog (nor give him a rash, if you're interested).
Monday (or was it Tuesday?) - Notice white wormy moving things in dog poo. Google white worms in dog poo. Tapeworm?! The doctor said he had an internal parasite, and he's been taking meds for it, but doc did NOT say tapeworm.
Telephone vet - confirm that these are not tapeworm, but roundworm (which vet also did not explicitly say, much to the peril of other pets if I weren't a responsible pet owner and left puppy poo all over the place, but I digress). The excretions are simply the meds doing their work. Breathe sigh of relief that Masala does not have yet another thing wrong with him.
Thursday - Masala eats purple berry from plant in back yard that I've heard is poisonous. Fucking hell.
Run upstairs. Google "purple berry plant" and click on image that looks like the plant. The page comes up "Poisonous Plants of North Carolina." Fucking hell.
Call Poison Control of NC that is listed on the page. No info for dogs. Call vet emergency number. They don't have a clue, so they give me "Pet Poison Control Line" which has a list of toxins, doggie weights, and side effects. This will set me back $35. The lady at the Pet Poison line asks, "Do you have any hydrogen peroxide in the house in case we need to induce vomiting?" Fucking hell.
Near tears as I'm on hold while she looks this up. I'm not sure I have the heart to make my puppy vomit, all the while knowing it is possibly my fault for not watching him more closely.
She comes back on. Luckily, the side effects, if any, would probably be vomiting and intestinal distress. Lady on the phone says he's too little to induce vomiting at home because he might start to aspirate. What the hell is that? That sounds bad, like he might stop breathing. She says I could take him to the vet. I throw my hands up at this point - if he's going to vomit, let the pokeweed plant make him vomit. No need in forcing him to vomit one fucking pokeweed berry.
If you're keeping count...that's 4 phone calls about my dog's health in roughly 7 days...2 for which I count myself partially responsible. Masala, for his part, is doing fine - picking up random things and running around the house with them, occasionally deciding to pee anywhere that is not outside.
Fuck you pokeweed plant and flea shampoo and wormy dog poo. I am not a neurotic parent. I just don't want the dog to have something wrong get worse and know that I could've prevented it - I don't handle guilt well. See, it's all about me, still selfish and only concerned with my needs.
4 comments:
Nik, you make me laugh!
Masala will fine! (Even if you might not be.) I'm sure he's a tough little guy!
don't take this the wrong way--but this post is hilarious! i love this little guy--keeping you on your toes. it's like i never left . . . hahaha
I am totally the same way. Last week I was cleaning out a closet and there was a container of antifreeze (which apparently I had decided I did not want to keep in my car). My cat came up and sniffed the bottle and I got a little nervous (as though just sniffing the bottle is actually going to kill my cat). Later that day, she was laying kind of weird on the floor. I said her name and even shook her and she did not wake up. I thought, oh my god, I've killed my cat. Apparently she was just in a very deep sleep, but it scared the shit out of me. I totally would have freaked out if any of the things you write about had happened to me!
Kudzu almost died right after I went to ILM. In fact, I had to leave him at the vet here after Labor Day. After that, if he sneezed I wanted to take him to the vet.
And now he's fat and lazy and wonderful. You're a great pet parent!
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