I'm just now getting around to unpacking the last of my boxes from moving. Yeah, I know it's like almost 3 months later, but shut up. It's a process, and one I'm not very good at. Any of you that have ever lived with me know that it is not unheard of for me to go away for a trip and return only to live out of my suitcase until it simply becomes impossible to do so. But I digress.
Today I found an old notebook from high school. This notebook was basically just a scribble pad for my angsty thoughts, bad poetry, rough drafts of essays, and oh yes, letters to boys. Lest any of you doubt that I was boy crazy in high school, I found letters to no less than five boys from my senior year of high school. I'm not sure I'd call them love letters...they were more like bad flirtation.
Because I love you, readership, I am going to excerpt one of the letters I found right here on this blog.
This letter was written to a French penpal named Chris. Ultimately I met Chris and was a total bitch to him in Paris, but that's a whole other post (if you're even interested). Chris and I met in some random chatroom on the internet. I believe Chris was 1-2 years older than me, but he was very enamored with my American-ness, and I with his French-ness.
Part of the letter is written in what is now impressive French (then I thought it sucked; but there's no way I could write it that well now). I will spare you that part. (I will also spare you the all lowercase - my "style" in 12th grade.)
Here is the second half of the letter, written in English, in pink, with my commentary in blue.
"I think you might! (transistion from French side of brain to English side). J'ai une question. Do you people (French) have another word for "beaucoup?" I cannot find one anywhere!"
Dear Lord. What in the hell am I talking about? "You people?" Clearly I was Republican back in those days. Frightening. And what kind of lame-ass question is "do you have another word for beaucoup?"
I hope you are not offended by my new name for you, my little cheesehead. I think it's a nice term of endearment for you! After all, I do love cheese! (emphasis in original, double underlined) Perhaps you could send me a camembert - it would be very yummy when it got here!
Wow. No wonder I didn't have a boyfriend until college. Frankly, I'm surprised I ever got a boyfriend at all with nonsense-talking like this. My little cheesehead? WHAT in the hell were we talking about? I have no recollection of this at all. And the cheese joke...no wonder the rest of the world thinks American humor is stupid.
When I come visit you in France (81 more days!), I will need help picking out the best wines to bring home - are you up for it? We might drink too much and get silly and who knows what would happen?! Ahh...sounds like fun!
Well, there you have it. It appears I was a slut-lush at the tender age of 17. Maybe THAT's how I ultimately got a boyfriend. Thank God my mother never found this notebook.
It's almost time for lunch (I'm at school) - I'm so hungry! (again, double underlined in original) I could eat a cow! But it might not taste so good! My next class after lunch is French III! We have a lot of fun in there - we goof off all the time and don't get anything done. I love it!
I hope Megan reads this blog because she was in that class and Mrs. Davis (Chris, as we called her) totally did not teach us anything. Then later on in college we would go out with her husband and get drunk at Boar's Head. Ashley was also in that class...there was a Monopoly incident once. And the Petite Prince, which we hid in the ceiling. Oh, sorry. Back to the letter.
Ok, here's a dumb question (really? dumber than the beaucoup question?) - do the French really take 2 hour lunch breaks? If this is true - you suck!! We get 30 minutes at school, and if someone works, they usually get an hour. One day I'm going to take pictures at school and send them to you.
Why is this boy talking to me? Oh, right. Slutty.
Well, it's almost time to go to lunch, so I must partir pour une momente. I'm going to write a little more later and then actually...mail it!...can you believe it!!? See ya later baby! Love you, Minnie
A) Who is Minnie?
B) Why am I calling him baby and telling him I love him? I don't remember him being my boyfriend, like, at ALL. In fact, when he tried to kiss me in France I freaked out on him...but now looking back, I can totally understand where he got the impression that'd be ok. I was a letter-writing tease.
C) Thank GOD I never actually mailed this letter. I am somewhat concerned that I re-wrote it and mailed a longer version, as was my practice back in those days, but let's hope I re-read it and came to my senses.
In case you weren't keeping count, that's a total of 15 "!" not including two instances of usage with the "?" to indicate something other than excitement.
Please feel free to make fun of me in the comments - in fact, I encourage it. You guys totally owe me for this one.
6 comments:
OMG I am dying. Please see my forthcoming post about why it is not so funny to make a girl recovering from abdominal surgery laugh. But this is worth it!
Ah, francais trois. Ma coeur manque ca classe! (That's the best I can do.)
So hungry you could eat a cow, you American slut? Quite ironic, isn't it?
I heart this post.
Although I will be sending a bill for all the therapy I've had to undergo over the Monopoly incident. And the Petite Prince. Just the name makes me want to vomit.
Thanks for a good laugh, you carnivorous slut. ;)
I think you missed the focus of this letter altogether. While you were super slutty, you talk about lunch and food a lot. Perhaps that's why didn't have a boyfriend- you were too busy talking about cheese and lunch. ha! I heart this letter so much. I so wish I had something like this to post as well. And you will forever be "Minnie" from here on out. Perhaps you are Minnie Mouse, and mice love cheese, and he was your "little Cheesehead"??!!!! (I'm clearly mocking your punctuation here.) And back to the sluttiness--you clearly haven't changed your M.O.-ha! "We might drink too much and get silly and who knows what would happen?!" Yep, that's still you! LOL. I love you Nik!
This is officially my favorite post of the year.
I have to wonder what you were thinking when you wrote, "it would be very yummy when it got here." As though the cheese's journey across the ocean would improve its flavor?
and i remember the niki writes everything in lowercase phase.
(And just for the record, I was also in that French III class. . . and I remember thinking that "Chris" was an idiot.)
This was truly awesome.
you are so sexy, you american temptress...i send you all the cheese we have in france and more and maybe we drink the wine and get a little silly?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Best. Post. Ever. Freakin' hilarious.
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