Well my friends, I'd like to share some new facts about myself with you, courtesy of the Scientology questionnaire used for "auditing" new members. There are over 300 questions, but RadarOnline excerpted some special few. From that list, I have chosen my favorites for your reading pleasure:
Have you ever debased a nation's currency?
If I understood the question, I might be able to give you an answer.
Have you ever killed the wrong person?
Sort of. Sometimes while playing "Big Buck Hunter," I accidentally kill does instead of bucks. I hate it when that happens.
Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?No, not a planet or a nation, just a small city.
Have you ever been a pimp?Seriously? I still am.
Have you ever eaten a human body?
Not the entire thing, although sometimes I accidentally bite my cheeks and inadvertently swallow some skin inside my mouth.
Have you given robots a bad name?
No.
Have you ever set a booby trap?
Hee. Booby trap. Booby trap. Um. Yes.
Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?
I am the pack leader, Cesar Milan taught me how to be one.
Have you driven anyone insane?
All my ex-boyfriends?
Is anybody looking for you?
Somewhere, out there...beneath the pale moonlight....
Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
Mostly not.
Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
See: nikisnotes.blogspot.com
Have you ever gone crazy?
On a scale of Tom to Britney...I'm not quite Danny Bonaduce.
Do you deserve to have any friends?
Wow. Thanks Scientology questionnaire. Self-esteem plummeting.
Have you ever zapped anyone? Yes! Amber and I played this awesome laser tag game during Spring Break '07 (One Way Road to Heaven) and I somehow won even though the first 10 hits were me shooting myself and Amber had to teach me how to hold the gun.
Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it? Yeah, I spread that shit all over the planet, so that's why I have this new body, hopefully still disease-free!
It would really make my year if you would just pick a couple and answer them for yourselves. Go on, get raw. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. KSW my friends. KSW.
6 comments:
Too funny--I don't even know where to begin. I'll answer some for you. What is "KSW?"
Have you ever given robots a bad name?
I'm ashamed to admit it, but yes. In second grade I pretended that I was Robocop, and my teacher caught me indisciminately shooting imaginary people with the imaginary gun that i kept imaginarily holstered in my imaginary Robocop leg. she said it was "gross."
sorry, Robocop.
I seriously snarfed my coffee reading this post this morning. Hilarious.
wow. I feel so afraid to know that these questions are behind the big craze. How can it be spreading/catching on if these are the questions.
The Wrong person? not just killed A person, but the wrong person?
wow, I think things are a little skewed. It seems to go against the big idea of being "good and helping" that I've heard is the permise. They want to rid the world of crazy people, but just seem to be infecting/infiltrating it with more crazies.
Dear Tom Cruise:
Mental medication is GOOD. You should try some.
Love,
Ashley
Thank you Jeff and Amber for answering the questions!
Everyone else - if you're not KSW, you're SP and I'm going to have to bust my study tech on you to rid you of your Body Thetans. Seriously.
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