A Day in the Life

Today was pretty bizarre. There were several incidences worthy of their mention on the blog. Because I am indecisive, I now present to you "A Day in the Life of Nik" on this not-so-Traditional-Tuesday.

7:something AM - Snooze. Snooze! SNOOZE! Note to self: practice super-hero power of stopping time so that I can sleep as late as necessary on work days. Decide to sleep later than normal because A) It's just an "office day"- meaning no court - meaning I don't have to be anywhere at any particular time; B) Jeff's last day visiting :(

7:53 AM - Traumatic morning walk with Masala. He finally got ahold of the dead bird that has been on neighbor's sidewalk for like 3 weeks now (maybe more). I try to get it away, but it won't just fall out of his mouth. I am terrified because A) taking away shit like this is how my ass got bitten when he was a little tyke; now he is a full-size doggie dog; B) I don't want to touch that grody m-f'ing bird! Run home like a banshee to enlist Jeff's help. M drops the half he hasn't swallowed on the way. Scold him for being a dumbass.

8:45 AM - Because it's an "office day" and I work in the most lax dress code office of all time, I contemplate what I want to wear in the realm of comfortable but also a little sexy. Hey, it's my one day a week for self-expression through clothing, so I take what I can get. Decide to wear sundress purchased in SF for the first time. It's flowy. It makes me look pregnant, but I don't care. It will make me feel better to be wearing this when Jeff leaves.

8:52 AM - Have ironed dress. Problem: underwear. The dress is translucent and I try on like 5 different pairs of clean underwear before coming to the following conclusion: Wear my dirty nude-colored Hanky Panky's or change my outfit. I consider other ensemble options. Then, I turn those HP's inside out, and away we go. (I didn't really wear them that long last time anyway, so I justify this to myself. Also, it's a foray into acting like a boy.)

9:13 AM - 11:13 AM - Surf the internet. Shop for spring suits. WHY ARE SPRING SUITS SO DAMN UGLY?? The only suit I can find is like $300, which is not totally unreasonable for a nice suit, but I'm Briz-Oke. Stuck wearing old suits for now. Bah-Humbug.

12 noon - Go home for lunch. Make-up bed in case landlord comes to check out disgusting septic smell permeating my house. Say goodbye to Jeff and curse long-distance relationships. Headache begins due to not eating much + crying + dehydration.

2:21 PM - Force local coffee shop to make me iced tea. They are baffled. I am baffled at their bafflement. Starbucks is on top of this kind of thing, plus they have iced coffee, so WTF?

3:52 PM - SHIT! It's raining and my windows are down. Scurry outside to remedy this situation. Get half-soaked in translucent dress. If my co-workers couldn't see my undies before, they surely can now. Headache in full swing.

4:45 PM - Lots of tall, skinny bitches in Pilates class making me feel like a bloated Smurf (I'm wearing blue pants, white top). Headache is not helping matters. Cannot concentrate as teacher is DEMANDING us because it makes. my. head. hurt! Do not quit because I can't let those tall, skinny bitches think this class is getting the better of me.

5:15 PM - My bladder is about to pop. We are prostrate, doing back exercises and everytime I lift my arm or leg I think I might pee myself. I decide that sometime in my past I have put out some seriously hateful Karma. Note to self: Do better on that.

5:30 PM - Elect to stay for the second class: Latin Fit n' Fun. Usually I do spinning, but headache says, "Hell no."

5:59 PM - The class is fun, headache is subdued, but why do I look like a stripper??

6:04 PM - Everyone in class can shimmy except me. These women are at least 40+ and totally hotter than me.

6:25 PM - Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" is the final song. I totally heart this song. Teacher says we can freestyle. This is the moment I have been waiting for. I will really shine! Um . . . NO. My body doesn't know how to Latin dance. My bootie is trying to bump and grind and get low. Also must resist the urge to do slutified version of the Electric Slide. I suck at this.

6:38 PM - Get strange voicemail from father about extended family member in bad car accident. Try calling him, my mom, our house, and my sisters - and no one is answering the phone. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS DAY??

7:10 PM - Try to take M for his evening walk. We are unable to last more than 15 minutes because of the SMOKE from the FIRES. I can barely breathe. It's making my headache worse. Inside the house, I almost throw up because all I can feel and smell is smoke in my lungs. Worse: Masala is going to be a maniac tonight. Not. Awesome.

7:42 PM - Start composing blog about totally random, ridiculous day. Notice Masala chewing on/swallowing a cork from wine bottle Jeff and I finished last night. Lament the fact that M has probably consumed the last bit of alcohol in the house from the cork residue.

8:14 PM - Finish writing this post. Decide to proof, post, and watch some damn Friday Night Lights. I think I deserve that guilty pleasure at least.