On Love

This Happy Yoga book I've been reading is kind of blowing my mind. It has really helped me realize that if you're unhappy, sometimes you need to actively try to be happy, like actually put forth some effort. At first that seems counterintuitive, but after putting forth effort, eventually it becomes second nature. (And yes, I've had quite a few 99 cent margaritas as I type this.)

Anyway. This week I started the chapter on love. An excerpt that I just fucking love:

The love you experience at any time with any person is not coming from them; it's coming from inside of you. It's your experience of your true self. In other words, the other person is a stimulus that allows your own love to be uncovered. - Steve Ross, Happy Yoga: 7 Reasons There's Nothing to Worry About

There is an analogy that follows about chocolate and how eating eight buckets of chocolate doesn't give us eight times the satisfaction because "satisfaction comes from you." The point of the parts I've read so far is that you cannot get fulfillment from relationships; you can only be fulfilled from yourself.  Only by letting go of wanting X from your partner or friend or family member can you truly love them; you must accept them as they are.  

One way the book suggests to practice this: pick a random person - on the street, in a car, at the store - and see them, accept them, approve of them. Be love. 

So I thought, ok, I'll give this a shot. Guess what? NOT FUCKING EASY. I thought it wouldn't be that hard, but holy hell, it's totally hard. First person I picked on Monday was a lady in the courthouse, a couple hundred pounds overweight, ratty hair, coke-bottle glasses. I focused on her, tried to accept her and appreciate her just has she was.

Then I walked by her and got a couple whiffs of awful cigarette smoke. I was done. Over. Disgusted. Literally said, "Eeeew! Gross!" to myself.   

Then I tried the A.D.A. that day in court. He was being an ass. Impossible. Could. Not. Do. It.

Of course, Monday I also wanted to hit someone so bad that I ran myself to death on the treadmill after work so that I wouldn't get in a fight, so perhaps that wasn't the *best* day to try this new, positive, loving me.

So last night I decided I would try again today, except I had a new conceptualization of the project. I realized my definitions of love did not encompass what I was supposed to feel. I didn't love these people like a family member, friend, or significant other, because I didn't know them that way. The point was to love them and appreciate them as members of the Earth, part of the world; we are all in it together.

Like squirrels.
 
People are squirrels. 

I don't know squirrels, and those shits can cause me a lot of grief when Masala tries to jerk me around to chase them. Yet everytime I see them, I smile. They make me happy. I fucking love squirrels and appreciate them as part of the animal kingdom. 

So today in court, I tried that shit. Pretended people were different breeds of squirrels. And you know what? Didn't totally worked, but got much farther than last time. 

Squirrels, ya'll.  Squirrels are the key.