so i just took a power nap in the library. at times i've been accused of being a "heavy breather" and have yet to quite figure out whether this is a nice way of saying that i snore or if i'm being accused of being a telephonic pervert. at any rate, i'm a bit self-conscious that in public scenarios my unconscious loud breathing will embarass me.
one time in 10th grade we were watching to kill a mockingbird. as i am genetically-inclined to do, i fell asleep during the movie. i had a dream that i was running backwards in the outfield to catch a fly ball and it was just over my head, so i JUMPED, arms outstretched...jerk awake. did i just jump forty feet in the air during the movie and expose my movie sleeping tendencies to mr. phillips? shit. shit. shit. upon closer inspection, though, and after brief consultation with my neighbor it was determined, thankfully, that my secret was safe.
once on a train from venice to nice, my two friends and i had the pleasure of a old man's company for the overnight route. the car was a four-sleeper - two bunks on both sides. the fat french guy (think gerard depardieu) awoke us upon entering, immediately fell asleep and commenced the worst. snoring. EVER. and he would not be dissuaded by anything. we began with little knocks around the cabin. then we started talking to each other in code about whether the others could hear. then we began to speak freely and loudly about the terrible snoring. this escalated into direct shouting at the man - "Please shut the fuck up!" this did not work. none of us slept that night and we were completely appalled when, upon arrival at the last stop - nice - his wristwatch began the faintest "beep, beep, beep" of the alarm and it woke him up. to this day i harbor ill-will toward that man and can only hope karma has re-visited him tenfold.
