Saturday, January 02, 2010

The Truth of the Matter

Every break-up or ending has that moment. That moment you know in your heart and bones that s/he's not coming back, that you're not going back, that it will not be fixed, that it truly is over. Sometimes you don't even realize you've been holding on to the tiniest of tiny hopes; sometimes you have outwardly longed and prayed for a reversal of events. Either way, the time always comes - sooner or later, but always - when you know.

I think the pscyhologists call it "acceptance" or similar. I call it "reality-smacks-you-in-the-fucking-face-and-forces-you-to-wake-the-fuck-up."

It seems strange, because it feels like a brick in your stomach, but in actuality, you've been waiting for this moment, the final grieving. When you can let go and honestly live again. When you can stop looking backward or forward and be present in the now.

It doesn't mean you will no longer think of the person/place/thing or even that you will never be sad again. But you are now on the way toward true healing because you are viewing the situation as it is, not as you hope or wish it to be. The truth of the matter.

So today, I am sad but also happy because this part is almost over. . .and I'm this close to being me again.

UPDATE: My Deepak Chopra Quote of the Day from Twitter is very apropos. "Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are." Deepak Chopra

6 comments:

Andria said...

I want to know more. email me?

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jenn said...

Wow, this is a really great perspective on things. . . and so true. I'll be thinking of you as your muddle your way through the crappy part of things and look forward to your emergence on the other side!

pen said...

I've been wanting to know more, too. Also, your recent post snuck onto my reader, and I was going to comment that it was a good one. :) E,P,L is so very inspiring!

Andria said...

I saw your disappearing post, too, and was coming to comment about glad you put it out there and we want to know, but was going to try to re-read and formulate it better. oh well.

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