Grande Finale - a teaser

The end of my Thanksgiving vacation, the last day of November, and NaBloPoMo ended with something of a bang.

It rained the entire drive from Georgia and it took almost 10 hours to get home. Ugh.  That, however, was nothing compared to what awaited me upon my arrival at home.

I am way too tired and fried to give the story a proper telling right now, but I'll give you this little tidbit: the police came to my house. Yeah. And they saw my dirty underwear, the lacey ones lying in a pile waiting to be handwashed. 

To be continued until I have the strength to type and think at the same time.

Wireless in Smalltown, GA

My parents just joined the 21st century and acquired high-speed internet access.  Before that, they had been slaves to dial-up, much to my increasing frustration.

When I heard they got DSL, I figured it would be another 15 years before they decided to go wireless, so when my mom asked me to take up the wireless project on my visit home for Thanksgiving, I happily accepted the mission.

I've set up my own wireless networks a couple of times, so I knew it wasn't that hard. Just follow directions.  Of course, it's never that easy, but after trips to two separate electronic stores, asking questions of two different tech people, cursing at the computer because there was not, in fact, an existing router in place, I finally got the network up and running. All in all, fairly straightforward with the requisite snags that always come up when dealing with computers.

Then it got to their desktop. Their desktop is downstairs. It didn't have a wireless card already, which meant that I had to install one. I didn't think much of this until I was midway through the installation process and the instructions told me to "turn off the computer and open the motherboard."

Oh holy hell. 

It took about 20 minutes to successfully crack open the motherboard, and of course when I looked at it, I had no f-ing idea what the hell was going on.  However, using pictures, logic, and a phone call to J, I essentially figured out what I needed to do. 

So I did it. I performed minor surgery on my parents' computer!

I feel like a fucking badass.  Now I need a nap.

Post-Turkey Day Euphoria

I have been in the best mood today.  I went shopping and ended up in the most bizarre parking lot traffic jam of all time.  Maintained zen-like composure in light of new iPod on shuffle.  This thing rocks my world.

Also, I purchased Dance Dance Revolution for my Wii and canNOT wait to play it nonstop. Seriously. Best game ever. Red - I'm bringing it to NYC if I can find a way.

Now I'm showered and about to head out to meet T and her husband for dinner. Then it's off to meet J and his roomie for drinks and good times.

Why can't life be this wonderful all the time?

Thanksgiving Day 2008

Finally sitting down.  I feel like I have been on the go since Masala woke me up at 7am.  Neither of us slept very well last night, and I've felt sluggish all day.  Nonetheless, I got up and ran around with him for awhile, then did yoga, then entertained my sister's boyfriend and his siblings, then took a brief nap (only to be awoken by my mom and sister having a loud "discussion" in the kitchen), then watched the Dog Show (really, Why?), then took Masala for a walk, then played Wii with my sister, then helped my mom make dinner, then went to my sister's apartment for spices my mom didn't have, then helped with dinner more, then ate, then cleaned up, then my other sister and my nieces and brother-in-law came over, then it got really loud and Masala spazzed out, then they all finally left me alone.

My parents have run an errand, feeding the animals of a family friend, and will be back soon.  I think I'll peruse the internets briefly, then dive into The Subtle Knife, try to finish it once and for all.

A perfectly pleasant and lackluster Thanksgiving Day - fantastic.

Midnight Train to Georgia

Ok, so it wasn't the midnight train, but it was definitely the ALL DAY train, as in 9 hours.

One word: Traffic. 

Ridiculous. Traffic.

But I'm not complaining. I made it here safely - no wrecks, no rain, no major drama. 

Now I'm fed, watered, and about to head to bed.  Tomorrow is turkey day and we're starting a new tradition at my house, so it should be interesting!

Worst blogger ever.

It's quarter to eleven and I still haven't packed yet.  Headed down to Georgia in the morning pretty early.  I think if you do a search of my archives, you'll find this to be a prevelant theme in my trips away from home for any significant period or place.

I tried to get J to post on the blog for me, but he told me it was unethical, against the spirit of NaBloPoMo.  I told him it wasn't, that actually I was only required to post every day - no one said anything about who actually wrote the post.

Now he's going to doggie sit while I attempt packing.  Wish me luck!

Nothin' Doin'

I'm over this blog everyday for a month bullshit. Frankly, I just don't have anything that exciting to say.  Even more than that, my stupid idea for a "sport" theme was just stupid.  Can't do it. I don't care about any sports enough to write about them every damn day.

Yes, can you tell? I'm full of piss and vinegar today. I've been going back and forth between getting sick and not getting sick, to the point where I just left work today around 2:45pm, came home, got completely undressed, and laid in bed until 4:30 in my underwear. Mostly I was sleeping, but partly I was just being warm. Because it's cold out there. I'm also over that. Cold weather, PLEASE. LEAVE.

Other things I'm over:

* Clients yelling at me because "I'm hard to get ahold of" WHEN THEIR FUCKING PHONE NUMBERS DO NOT WORK and our office assitants and I tried no less than 10 times to call last week.

* The messiest house you have ever seen. If kids lived here, I'm quite certain DSS would remove them.

* Christmas music. I know, totally Scrooge McDuck, but I can count on one hand the number of decent Christmas songs and the rest of them make me want to live in a padded room beating my head against the wall.

* My pilates instructor telling us to make "perfect circles" with our toes. Lady, if you haven't noticed, I'm up to my ears trying to be perfect in every other area of my life, please just let my damn toe circles be a little unperfect, you perky bitch.

* Myself. I really need to get a grip and get into the holiday spirit. Really, my life is not that bad, so I need to stop pretending that the world hates me.

TT v. OK - Part 2 and more BCS Whining

After the Sooners spanked the Red Raiders 65-21, they leapfrogged Florida from #5 to #3 in the BCS standings.

Alabama still sits at #1, Texas at #2, Florida #4, and USC rounds out the top five.

Even though the AP and USAToday polls put Florida at #2 and #3 respectively, they are still dragging in the BCS for some stupid reason. . .despite the fact that they beat Citadel 70-13. Come on. Those are soldiers. Florida essentially beat the United States of America! Surely that counts for something??

I'm assuming Florida's difficulty lies with the "strength of schedule" component, and I'm really hoping that improves once they face off against Florida State and then Alabama (even though Florida State is having a lackluster year).  With two Ws in those games, the best the Gators can do is cross their fingers that the computer puts them in the top two. If not, prepare for more BCS drama-drama - not only from myself, but from the talking heads as well. Ugh.

In case you're bored, I stumbled upon this article from the LA Times which explains why Obama will solve the crisis in the Middle East and stop ice caps from melting before successfully lobbying for a college football playoff.  Great.

TT v. OK - Part 1

It's almost half-time and the Sooners are kicking the Red Raiders all over the football field, 35-7 (with about a minute left in the half).

I'm writing now because a) my internet keeps going in and out, but more importantly, b) I'm headed out to meet some friends in about half an hour and probably won't be back to post before midnight. 

Oklahoma just intercepted and ran it almost all the way back - around the 1 yard line - holy smokes. This is going to be rough.

I'd love to say that I'm delighted at the score, but the truth is, I'm not.  In my head I know that it's good for Florida if Texas Tech loses, but in my heart I just want them to come back and win.  They are sort of having a sweetheart season, and I hate to see it come to an end. 

Oklahoma just scored AGAIN. Damn. 41-7 going into the half.  Texas Tech better be praying for a miracle.

Tomorrow is a big day.

Texas Tech v. Oklahoma

Graham Harrell is totally smokin' so I won't be too upset of the Red Raiders win this game, but for my beloved Gators, I'm really going to need Oklahoma to win.

Florida plays the Citadel, and if all things go accordingly they should get the W pretty easily.

Other teams are playing in important rivalry match-ups, but from my quick glimpse at the schedule, there don't look to be too many top BCS teams in any real danger. 

Check back tomorrow for a possible round-up, or maybe Sunday?

My New Semi-Obsession

Apparently T.I. has been around for awhile, but I only heard of him as of like two weeks ago.  And hot damn.  I love these three songs to much that I went ahead and bought his most recent album, Paper Trail. (Oh, and he's pretty cute, too. Naturally.)

"Live Your Life" - featuring Rihanna; I dare you not to dance in your seat

"Whatever You Like" - so f-ing catchy. LOVE. it.

"No Matter What" - something raw and real that I like about this one, even though the production is pretty slick

Dear Masala,

Please don't hate me, but more importantly, I'm asking you very nicely not to spazz out tonight.

I know we didn't really go for a good walk today.  You see, outside it's what we humans call, "freezing-ass cold," also known as "cold as balls."  Your owner/human, well, she is what we call a "wuss" when it comes to chillier temperatures. 

But it's more than that.  You see, she has been in what she and her co-worker are referring to as "Hell on Earth" this week at work.  She almost had 9,871 jury trials; she has dealt with 9,870 difficult clients; and IT IS NOT EASY WALKING AROUND IN HEELS ALL DAY DEALING WITH PEOPLE'S SHIT.

Tonight, she just could. not. do. it. 

I know, I know. She went to kickboxing.  She could have taken that time and spent it with you trotting up and down the street, walking to the waterfront, or playing on the tennis courts.  Instead, the selfish bitch did something for herself that she hasn't done in three days.  Please forgive this transgression against canine kind.

Due to her neglect of you this evening, she has resorted to the usual method of apologizing in the human world - she tried to buy your love.  That's right. She feels guilty, so she bought you that new squeaky toy. 

Yeah, that playtime a little while ago with the new squeaky toy - she did that for you because she couldn't do the walk today.  It's not the same, I know, but just this once consider accepting the consolation prize. 

Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated, and indeed recommended, because I think if you pull some of that running-around-like-a-crazy-dog shit in the middle of Private Practice tonight, she just might kick your ass.

Love,

Niki (aka Your Human - who has no idea why she referred to herself in the third person throughout this letter but is too lazy to do anything about it now)

Sick Day

Even professional athletes sometimes get sidelined by injuries and illness.


Not only is my computer acting like it's overworked and underpaid, but my body is feeling the same way.

Sore throat.

Achey muscles.

Tired eyes.

Small-grade fever.

It's nothing a little R&R and Emergen-C can't take care of . . . I hope. 

Destiny Calls

Disclaimer #1: For the sake of NaBloPoMo, which values everyday posting over adherence to a theme, I am suspending the "sport" theme for the evening (unless you want to call being a groupie a "sport"). I present to you an account I wrote last week about my drive two hours away to see my one and only Conor. Originally I planned to edit it before posting, but currently I am nursing a pounding headache.

Disclaimer #2: I find this post highly gratifying, as I was there, and I love Conor. I realize, however, that it may bore the panties off the rest of you. If this is the case, at least try the second YouTube. I think you'll find it at least somewhat amusing.

Disclaimer #3: Also, midway through I switch to Bridget-speak, then randomly switch back. Verb tenses are not uniform either. Apologies. My brain is too fried to care right now.

Without further ado:

I may be one of the most indecisive people in the entire universe, but one thing is for damn sure. Once my mind is made up, I stick to it. It is the rare goal that I do not achieve, and last night's concert was really no different.

On the way to the show, I had this intense feeling of recklessness. I almost felt in my bones that driving two hours for a concert was a bad idea. Quite literally, I thought I was a little insane. As I'm driving I'm shaking my head, sort of throwing my hands up at the situation, like a father would a child who is too hardheaded to listen and will just have to learn her lesson on her own terms.

Before I even set off, the signs pointed toward staying put, resting, and getting things done. I was in court in another county until 2:30pm, didn't get back to the home office until about 3. Even then, there were a million things on my to-do list. I perservered, left around 4:30, and decided that I would depart for the show around 6 or 6:30, putting me there at 8 or 8:30, with the show starting at 9.

Double-checking my directions as I'm relaxing after walking the dog, I notice that the show time is 8, not door time. Door time is 7, about one hour away. Well, shit. At least there are two opening bands, but the cost-benefit analysis is starting to swing pretty far in the "don't bother" direction.

Still hopped in the car and headed along my merry way.

Not much incident on the drive, but thanks Google Maps for failing me for the second time in one week. They told me to get off on I-95 NORTH instead of SOUTH, which had me turning around and adding an extra 15 minutes to my time of arrival.

No worries, I was in zen-like Conor anticipation and all that mattered was that I arrived.

Finally getting the right exit, I find the theatre fairly quickly, as well as the parking deck. Except wait. Can't enter the parking lot from this street, and the next street is one-way in the opposite direction.

Go around ass to get to elbow of entrace to parking lot. Drive past entrace because I don't think it's the right lot.

Drive around ass to get to elboe of entrace to parking lot again. Find a spot, grab my $$ and ID, and away I go!

Exit parking lot to find that indeed, I was right. Is the wrong parking lot. Is not the parking lot behind the theatre as I had intended, rather, it is an extra 2 blocks away. Nevermind. Will think of anti-mugging strategy after euphoria of the show. Must. Get. To. Venue.

Collect tickets from will-call and dash inside to relieve my bladder. At the very moment I unbutton my jeans I curse vehemently inside my head. Cell phone left in purse in car. Insert favorite curse word, I said them all. This means:
* No pictures
* No video
* No texting/calling during band changes (read: awkard standing alone for extended periods of time)
* No back-up in case of mugging on the way to car parked in semi-bumfuckville

At that moment I really wonder if I was meant to be here or not. Decide that all is not lost, and now will just enjoy the show rather than bother with phone. Will be fine.

Find a place in the crowd with a decent view. Decide that over there looks better. Go to Over There. Over There is a GIANT FOREST OF TALL PEOPLE. I am so not kidding you. I went from a clear view of short people to a bunch of dudes over 6 feet tall. Decide to move On The Other Side.

On The Other Side is pretty good. There is a couple that hugs for the entire duration of the first band, but whatever. Who am I to judge?

During the changeover, I move progressively closer until I'm around 5-6 rows deep from the stage. As I'm waiting for Conor to come out, I realize that EVERYONE around me is underage. Literally, they have the X on their hands and the under-21 wristband. Oh. God. Am too old for this. Where are the people my age? (I have no idea - I never found an answer to this question.)

Conor comes out and my immediate thought is that he's hooked on heroin. Dude is fucking skinny, but beyond that he looks ill. His face is sort of emaciated and he's all pale. He's either hooked on the stuff, or he's hella sick. I remember from looking at Youtubes of this tour that he's looked like this before, decide my soulmate has a drug problem and then get both angry and very depressed.

For a good 45mins to an hour the show is only slightly above average. The energy in the venue is all whack. The band seems down, the crowd is too young and self-conscious to dance, and Conor is, well, looking like he needs a fix.

Then he comes on to play "Milk Thistle." For some reason this is the song I've been waiting for all. night. long. It's not my favorite off the album, but it fits my mood and it's stuck in my head. It's a quiet, powerful tune, and the crowd grows silent. I'm just really entering the trance one goes into in these moments when WHAT THE FUCK. Why is there a damn balloon falling on my head??!!

The bitches basically right behind me are giggling and talking and getting mad at me for not playing their stupid balloon game. They won't shut up. Conor starts to glare. I want to hide under my shoe.

Despite their attempts on two more occassions to invigorate the lame balloon-tap game, it finally stops. Their mouths however, they do not. I want to strangle them. They have all but ruined the song I came to hear.

You can see the balloon a couple of times in this video. Fucking stupid balloon.

I keep my cool, take deep breaths, and tell myself that this has just been one of those times. Not every concert can be orgasms and rainbows. Sometimes it's just going to be pretty good, maybe even just ok. That's fine. That's life. At least you had this opportunity.

After "Milk Thistle" they play maybe one or two more, then exit. While we await the encore, I feel my eyelids starting to close. I half-heartedly debate leaving now, but I know that's really not an option. No way am I leaving early.

They tease us for awhile, but eventually they take the stage and begin the encore with one of my top 2 favorite songs on the new album: "Lenders in the Temple" - another song that you just need to be still and absorb and take in. Behind me they start that same shit again with the talking, and before Conor even utters the first word, I turn around and "Shshh" them. If that didn't work, I was going to get violent, but it seems the little shits at least can respect their elders.

From that point on, the show lifted itself up from average and into awesome. I don't know why Conor saved his energy for the encore, but oh hell, it was fantastic.

I'm already having a blast shaking my groove thing and enjoying the show when he starts to play "I Don't Want to Die in the Hospital." Half-way through the song he starts to take his boots off.

Then he rolls up his pants.

Then he takes off his jacket.

Then he starts to unbutton. his. shirt. I'm thinking he's just loosening the top, but oh no, he goes all the way to the very last button.

Then he does this:

(Not on the video: the microphone/jumprope that he throws is moments later picked up by a venue crew member and placed back into the mic holder. . .only for Conor to simply throw it down in favor of the second one. Hilarious.)

And I realize why I have come. I know that this is the reason I felt compelled to be here in the face of all signs pointing towards staying home. This absurd, possibly drunk, possibly high, possibly just plain crazy display of excitement in the middle of playing a song is a once-in-a-lifetime experience (unless of course, this is his new schtick). All with his shirt unbuttoned and naked chest with nifty talisman thing on display. (For the record: he later on rolled his sleeves up, and there were no noticable track marks on his forearms, which is good. Maybe he's just got a bad cold....)

Sigh. When do I get to see him again?

---------------------------------------------------
Update:
The entire "Hospital" song and strip-tease can be seen in the video below.  The clothes start coming off around 4:00, a minute or so later he attempts his first jumprope. Subsequent failed tries until the finale, which is the short clip above.

The Game of Law

Every jurisdiction is different, but here in my town the court system works a little like this.  For jury trials, a certain number of cases are put on a docket for a one-week period.  Within those cases, the district attorney's office has control over what we call the "trial order."  The trial order serves as a priority list of cases that will be called, as the docket is usually printed alphabetically.  All the defendants appear in court on the Monday of the trial week, and essentially they wait around until their case is called.  If they are pleading guilty and not having a trial, sometimes they get to go Monday morning; other times they have to wait around all week until there is a break in the action

Next week, I have a total of 23 cases on the docket.  The entire docket itself probably has between 75-90 cases.  Five of my cases are probation violations, which are extremely important but there's only so much prep work you can do.  They don't take place in front of a jury, so even though the stakes are high, stress level is manageable.  The rest of my cases could potentially be for trial.

Of the 18 cases that could be for trial, about 11 of them will have non-jury dispositions or continuances.  That leaves 7 cases that legitimately could go to trial.  Like, tomorrow.

This is where the stress comes in.  Part of preparation is talking to the DA's office and discovering where your cases sit on the trial order, what they are willing to work out, etc.  You know that not all potential trials will go to trial next week, but which ones that could be are anyone's guess.

As it stands now, I know vaguely what 3-4 cases are on the priority list, but I don't know where they sit; they could be at the top, the bottom, or somewhere in between.  The rest of the cases are not "set for trial" so to speak, but if the "trial order" falls apart, we'll be forced to dig into the reserves to conduct business for the rest of the week.

Yeah, if you think just reading this was a headache, you have no idea.  Jury trials make me nervous, because I'm still new to them, but really what's worse is the complete unknown, the anxiety of what could happen or what might happen.  I'd rather just know already and get all my ducks in a row for X case to go at Y time.  The guesswork has my stomach in knots and my brain working overtime to make sure it remembers 1,763 different tasks for each case. 

Let's all just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.  I want to do another jury trial, I just want to do it well.

The Not-So Prodigal Son

Spurrier returned to the Swamp to have his Cocks thrashed around and mutilated by the Gators.

Ah, how sweet it is to kick his team's ass after that SOB abandoned us for the Redskins back in the day. I'm not a Spurrier hater, per se, but this win 56-6, sure feels good.

I'm curious - who were the UGA fans pulling for? Does the hatred of Florida override the disdain for Spurrier, or do the Dawgs hate the Visored One more than anything on Earth?

In other football news:

- I didn't watch so much today due to massive cram session at the office in preparation for next week. I'm not sure if I've being spoiled or what, but the quarterbacking I saw was less than stellar (Tebow this includes you, although I admittedly only saw a few plays). Graham Harrell, I miss you!

Why...

do I get a cramp in my right side everytime I run?  Doesn't happen on a bike, elliptical, stairclimber, or any other cardio equipment. Just treadmills.

This would be reason #768,405 I don't like running.

Mind v. Body

What I'd really like to do right now is guzzle half a bottle of wine and go to bed.

No wine on the premises right now, so the first half of that equation is out.  I could go to bed, but it's Thursday night - Grey's night.  Since I'm still in the 20th century and do not yet have a DVR, and the internets is a week behind in watching at abc.com, I'm going to have to stay up until 10pm in order to get my fix. 

My body is having none of this.  My body is all, "must. sleep. immediately."

Tonight's fun adventure, then, will be who wins, and how far I make it. 

Stay tuned. I'll post if I make it past Grey's. If I don't post again, well, wish me sweet, sweet dreams.

UPDATE: I made it!

SPOILER ALERT - DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCH GREY'S YET!!!!!

* WTF Denny?? Why are you making me and Izzie cry?

* Meredith and Derek are totally cute, and completely boring

* What's up with the Hahn storyline? I know they fired that chick all-of-a-sudden, but what's the real deal? Seriously because of lesbian story? I don't buy it.  Anyway, I never really liked Hahn and Torres, so I'm ok with her gone, but the story doesn't fit, abrupt.

* Karev, I love you.

* Not sure how I feel about Lexi and Sloane

* Dr. former-Lucius-Vorenus and Yang need to do it already

* I read an interview that said Isiah Washington would be willing to come back to the show, and I'd die for more Burke action. I loved Burke.

* Who's the chick with the accent? I missed the first 60-90 seconds.

10 Crazy Sports!

What do you do when you have pledged to write an entire month on one theme but are about to dash out the door to go to a rock n' roll show and have zero creative ideas for a blog post?

You steal from another website, naturally.

We in the legal community prefer to call it "borrowing."

Check out these 10 Crazy Sports You've Never Heard Of.  Bog Snorkeling sounds kind of nifty...and disgusting.

A different kind of Oz

Normally movies are considered "arts," not "sports."  But then again, Oscar season is just around the corner and it's the time of year when all the contenders burst onto theatre screens across the country.

I, for one, am anxiously awaiting the release of Australia.




The story looks a little melodramatic for my usual tastes, but Baz Luhrmann always tells stories in an innovative and stylistic way, so I'm willing to overlook the apparent melodrama.  Plus, there's all that scenery to remind me of my Oz; I just hope it makes me smile instead of makes my heart ache to be back there again.