Open letter to Perez

Dear Perez Hilton,

Don't pretend like it hasn't been on the rocks now for awhile.  You and I both know I've been unhappy lately.  Then I talked to one of my friends about how I've been feeling, and she completely confirmed my perspective; it seems she has been getting the same vibe.

As of now, I don't even think we should be friends.  I need a clean break, so its best if I don't even add you to my Twitter for quick updates.  I'm not saying we'll never be able to get coffee and catch up, but honestly, you're going to have to make some changes before I'll even consider visiting your site again. 

First up, stop being a woman hater.  It's odd to me, since you belong to an oft-maligned and persecuted minority group, that you perpetuate the double-standards and ridiculous ideals of gender roles.  I'm tired of you calling Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens "sluts."  Millions of teenage girls experiment with their identity and sexuality and doing so does not make them slutty or bad people; it is simply biology.  Moreover, these same girls read your site, and vilifying women's sexuality sends them a bad message.  Another instance is the recent affair controversy with Leanne Rimes and that Cibrian dude.  You focused almost exclusively on her involvement by calling her a "homewrecker" but he gets no such equal nickname.  Am I condoning their behavior? Absolutely not. But you can report it snarkily without getting mean.  See, e.g. Dlisted.

Speaking of mean, that's really the bottom line.  You're an asshole.  I don't like to associate with assholes, and I don't like to support them financially.  I can't put my finger on how exactly you do it, but you almost always take that extra step from irreverent blogging to flat-out meanness.  I'm southern, and we don't do that down here. 

Finally, you need to quit talking about stuff you know nothing about. Specifically this includes legal issues.  Trust me. You don't know what the fuck is going on in that department, and your commentary is ignorant.  For instance, from what I can tell most celebrities actually get treated worse than their civilian counterparts because of their celebrity status, not better, as you would like to believe.  Also, Chris Brown and Rihanna - shut. the fuck. up.  Battered women suffer enough without judgmental douchebags weighing in on their every decision.  Do I condone Chris Brown's actions? Hell, no.  But to call for the end of his career is draconian at best.  He made a mistake, but should he make himself a better man, why should we take away his livelihood?  And didn't Kobe and R Kelly get accused of equally heinous if not worse offenses?  Why so much hate focused on a young man like Chris, who clearly needs help given his home environment?  Alls I'm saying is that you are being very quick to judge that situation, and its just not prudent to do so.

In sum, you have just irritated me to a breaking point.  I can't take it anymore, so I'm breaking up with you.  It was fun while it lasted, but let's be honest, it was never going to last forever.

Take care,
Nik

All Good Things Come To An End

I knew it was too good to be true. I had been in an uninterrupted good mood for almost five days straight, which must be some sort of record for me, and it was bound to come to an end sooner or later. I'm always skeptical when I wake up in high spirits, and today proved the rule.

Things that suck about today:

* My one case took two hours in court. It should have taken twenty minutes. Thank you client.

* My oil change turned into a $700 repair. Thank you universe. Did you see my post yesterday about how I need to SAVE MY MONEY FOR AWESOME TRAVEL ADVENTURE??!! Argh.

* My parents felt bad about the car, offered to buy this suit I've been eyeing, I go to Ann Taylor Loft website to purchase it, and they don't have my size. Oh, and the suit is now 30% off, so you know, just rub some salt in the wound a little.

* Masala had another accident - this time only after he'd been running amok in the house for 4 hours because I'd been so frazzled about my car I forgot to put the gate up. No accident for those 4 hours. Put the gate up for 15 mins so I can pee and change clothes for our walk. Little bastard decides he can no longer hold it. (He's been on this allergy medicine that makes him pee and not control it, but STILL. I know he did it just to spite me because I quit giving him that medicine yesterday, plus, see aforementioned 4 hours without accident. Little shit.)

* I got my period like 3 days early as far as I can remember. W.T.F.

* Did not get to go to kickboxing, as I had been looking forward to, due to unavailability of car which is still in the f-ing shop. Trust me, I could really pretend to punch a lot of things right now.

* Lost is a rerun. What am I supposed to do for entertainment tonight? Twiddle my thumbs? Read a book? Laundry? Pssh. No.

All I have to say is thank goodness for Netflix and wine (oh, and if this wine turns out to be a lemon, somebody is getting a beat down), because without these things. . .I don't even want to think about it.

Ruining the Moment

On November 5th, 2008 I was one of the giddiest girls in the neighborhood.  Absolutely nothing was going to spoil the "Obama got elected!" glow.  I couldn't wait for January 20th, 2009, for the man to be properly sworn in, for him to take the reins from the abysmal Bush Administration. 

Sure, I'm still stoked for Obama to take office and to say farewell to W.  But "Obamania" - UGH. I'm WAY over it.  I'm not over him, just the gluttonous exploitation and commodification of him.  Commemorative t-shirts, coins, magazines, mugs, just about anything you can slap a logo and a face on has been sold.  Enough already. I get it. You're excited.  You want a piece of history.  You want to savor this moment forever. 

But come on people, get a fucking grip.  It's tacky.  In my opinion, the overwhelming abundance of it all diminishes his accomplishment and the actual policies for which he stands, the change he wants to bring.  We've come so far beyond that, so far beyond his message.  It disgusts me.  It's cheap. 

And I cannot wait for it to be over so we can get down to the business of getting this country back in shape.

This flag raises a whole host of issues I don't really care about, but you can read some oh-so-well-written-and-unthoughtful comments at the end of this article. Bottom line - I'm offended because it's so damn FUGLY and tacky. Have I said tacky? Yeah. 

Dear Amazon.com,

Normally I find your order tracking and expanded seller network delightfully informative and surprisingly helpful. 

However.

It is truly of no consequence to track my purchases that I have ALREADY RECEIVED.   Instead, it would be nice if you would let me track the orders that are still in La-La land.  Apparently that is too much to ask during this time of holiday cheer.

Oh, and another thing, if one of your "Marketplace" sellers is located IN THE UNITED KINGDOM it would be nice to have a head's up on that before I order a Christmas present from them 10 days before Christmas.

Just sayin'.

Happy Holidays,

Niki

Nothin' Doin'

I'm over this blog everyday for a month bullshit. Frankly, I just don't have anything that exciting to say.  Even more than that, my stupid idea for a "sport" theme was just stupid.  Can't do it. I don't care about any sports enough to write about them every damn day.

Yes, can you tell? I'm full of piss and vinegar today. I've been going back and forth between getting sick and not getting sick, to the point where I just left work today around 2:45pm, came home, got completely undressed, and laid in bed until 4:30 in my underwear. Mostly I was sleeping, but partly I was just being warm. Because it's cold out there. I'm also over that. Cold weather, PLEASE. LEAVE.

Other things I'm over:

* Clients yelling at me because "I'm hard to get ahold of" WHEN THEIR FUCKING PHONE NUMBERS DO NOT WORK and our office assitants and I tried no less than 10 times to call last week.

* The messiest house you have ever seen. If kids lived here, I'm quite certain DSS would remove them.

* Christmas music. I know, totally Scrooge McDuck, but I can count on one hand the number of decent Christmas songs and the rest of them make me want to live in a padded room beating my head against the wall.

* My pilates instructor telling us to make "perfect circles" with our toes. Lady, if you haven't noticed, I'm up to my ears trying to be perfect in every other area of my life, please just let my damn toe circles be a little unperfect, you perky bitch.

* Myself. I really need to get a grip and get into the holiday spirit. Really, my life is not that bad, so I need to stop pretending that the world hates me.

Happy Halloween!

Ok, so I bitch and moan and complain all the time about how my town sucks, there's nothing to do, etc.

Now there's finally something to do, and all I can do is bitch, moan, and complain about having to do it.

My co-worker is forcing me to go to a haunted house.  The problem is: I don't do haunted houses. I know they're fake. I know I should be laughing.  I just can't do it.  You turn the lights out and have me walk into nothingness and I'm going to freak out. I'm going to hold the hand of the person in front of me so that a crazy haunted house worker doesn't scare the bejesus out of me.

Being scared is not fun. I have not been to a haunted house since 2001, the fateful night I met Jeff and squeezed his hand the entire time (perfect strangers that we were at the time).  Seven years later. . .clearly I'm still traumatized by that experience. ; ) (I'm kidding, Jeff.)

I'll report back here afterward and let you know if I still have any dignity left. 

Open Letter to Puff Daddy, I mean P.Diddy, I mean, oh, NEVERMIND

Dear Rapper Who Can't Rap Who Also Has A Clothing Line And Who Insists On Making The Band Even When The Band Always Sucks,

If you want Obama to win, PLEASE.

SHUT.

THE FUCK.

UP.



Dude is having enough troubles with old white people as it is without you going off like this. Keep this shit on the DL, man.

Sincerely yours,
Niki

P.S. If you ever refer to yourself as SirRock Obama in my presence, trust, I'm gonna knee you in the balls and kick you in the mouth. No Really. I Will.

Olympics: Day 14-1

Fell asleep while watching track. Those track athletes wear a lot of jewelry. They also seem to have an attitude problem.

Still, it sucks that both the relay teams dropped the baton, as if they'd never done a relay before. Whoops.

Olympics: Day 11-2

Sour Grapes

I have bitten my tongue up until now because I recognize that the NBC announcers are understandably biased toward the American athletes.

But REALLY. Did you see those two routines tonight? There is no way Nastia should've won the silver. She was way better than the underage girl who, for better or worse, has inspired my contempt. The judges definitely appear to be pro-China, or at least seem to be according to the experts.

That tie-breaking procedure. . .RI-diculous. It makes absolutely zero sense.

It makes it that much of a heartbreaker to think that the Chinese broke the age limit rule, too. Grr. That really pisses me off.

Nastia showed real class on the podium, which makes me very proud of her and the way she and Shawn Johnson have represented the USA. (OMG - I'm so cheesy I should be on a Wheaties commercial! Do they still make Wheaties? I think I might have to go buy some. . . .)

Olympics: Day 5-1

Men's Gymnastics Team Finals - Technically, this happened yesterday, but the finals lasted until 1am, and this birthday girl needed to get to bed asap due to sugar shock from too much gastrological celebrations. So here I am, recapping some thoughts from last night.

Is anyone else disappointed with the Bronze? I know it's not very PC or patriotic or team-spirited of me, but I can't help but feel Team USA should have won the Silver. I also can't help but point the finger at a certain gymnast who shall remain nameless who scored a twelve something on pommel horse as the reason we had to settle for the Bronze.

I know, I know, I know - all the men were Olympic virgins and the Hamm twins were a huge loss, and it's great we even got a medal. But dude, we were solid in the Silver category until that guy got a 12! Everyone else pulled their weight, then he had to eff it up. I know it's cruel of me to be like that, but hey - the other two pommel horse participants were alternates, and he had an original spot. He should've knocked it out.

Speaking of the alternates, Artemev's pommel horse was gorgeous, absolutely beautiful gymnastics. His legs were like ribbons in the air. (Shut up, I loved it.) He's definitely one of my favorite athletes of the Olympics thus far.

Also in the realm of great performances, Justin Spring's high bar was ridiculous. I thought he was going to fly off that thing! He seems like a character; I'm gonna keep my eye on him.

Women's Synchronized Diving - I'll be honest. I totally forgot this was an event. Those Chinese girls - um, are they cloned? Seriously.

Exact.

Same.

Person.

The commentators keep talking about the "lines" of the Chinese, but hello - they don't have any hips, thighs, or boobs! They are nothing but straight lines! All the other girls, same age even, look like burgeoning women, not 11 year old boys.

Women's Gymnastics Team Finals - Coming up tonight! Can't wait! Look for more commentary as the night progresses.