Damn, I'm being so lazy today. I have no idea what time I went to bed, but I woke up sometime around 11am. I made my way home, threw in a load of clothes, ate some cereal, researched Fantasy Football for an hour, took a nap, and here I am.

I need to go put those clothes in the dryer/on the drying rack. (Aside: Can I just say how much I fucking HATE doing this? I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate this task. It takes FOR-EV-ER. Mostly because I am neurotic about my clothes and have this belief that the fabric & color lasts longer if you don't put them in the dryer - even stuff that says go in the dryer - so I end up only tossing mainly underwear and socks in the dryer and trying to find a place to air dry everything else. Such a fucking pain in my ass.)

I need to clean the bathroom.

I need to walk the dog.

I need to sweep.

I need to clean the kitchen.

I need to sort through the giant stack of mail on my table, on the counter, in the mailbox....

But here I am. Writing this blog entry. Yoga Pose of the Week didn't fare as well as I intended, but I'm not giving up. I'm still yoga-ing and my friends gave me a badass Astanga book I can't wait to dig into. Hopefully I'll have the inspiration and time to share some of it on the blog.

Oh, the blog. Pretty sure no one reads it anymore, and that's fine and understandable. I am sporadic about reading everyone else's, too. I don't want to give up on it, though, so that's why I'm writing this post. It's been awhile since I've posted anything beyond yoga, food, hot celebrity stuff. Don't get me wrong, those things are well and good, but there is so much more to my life, too. A lot of it I can't/don't want to write here, for privacy's sake, for embarrassment's sake, for a hundred twenty-seven other reasons. But the other day I thought of something that I normally wouldn't share on the blog, but the takeaway point was pretty important to me, so fuck it. I'm going to write it.

Over the past several weeks, I have been hanging out with a Boy. A few people know about him, but mainly I keep my relationships under wraps until I know how substantial they are going to be. I've dated enough to know myself and the men I date - these things can be fleeting. But this thing with Boy seems different. Well, sort of. We have a lot of fun together, we have excellent chemistry, we seem to think the same about life. . .and on it goes. I will confess. I am developing more than a crush on him.

And because of my past experiences, of course once I realized this possibility beyond a crush, I freaked the fuck out. Number One because I don't want to get hurt. Number Two because Boy has an expiration date; there is almost no way it will last "forever" and I don't want to get hurt (I won't go into detail here; just trust me on this). I spent a couple of days brooding, determined I should just end things now, before I get in too deep, before it leaves a wound that will scar instead of just a paper cut.

Ordinarily I live my life the opposite way - living in the moment, dealing with consequences later. It is better to have loved and lost. . .blah blah blah. . .never say no to an adventure. . .you know me. You get the point. There was just something about this, something that made me balk at the possibility of hurt. It has been a rough few years for me, broken heart-wise, and I just wasn't sure I could face another one.

Then I realized something I've been learning with yogic philosophy and Buddhism: Nothing is forever. No thing. No one. No relationship. Some last longer than others, but everything lives and then dies. We have no way of knowing how long anything will last. Even if Boy had the potential for "forever," anything could take him or me away at any moment.

That's when I took my head out of my ass and decided to embrace it head on. Get back to my roots and live in the moment. Appreciate every. single. second. of happiness. Life is an ebb and flow, an up and down. Every day, even, has its moments of good and bad, a progression of moods. Why deny myself these delicious times with a great person just because he won't always be there? It was silly to even consider it.

So here I am. Lazy on a Saturday because we stayed up too late last night laughing and drinking and watching funny things on TV. And I don't care about the laundry, the dirty kitchen, the mail. These things will get done because they must. For a moment, for a few hours, I will soak in the happiness and just be.